^{Current mood: Sad, depressed, frustrated}


Friday, April 08th, 2005 - at around 4pm.

Well I am feeling a tid bit frustrated today. I just have this bad feeling.. about somthing. I'm not exactly sure what it is. I mean so far today, I had fun. The tagboard seems great and greater today. I don't know, probably it is getting out of hand? Nah - maybe it is just me. I seriously don't know and am not too keen to find out.

There seems to already be too much "freinds-teasing" problems here at the tagboard- most of the time I'm cool and ok with it. Today I felt like, too much for me, is it? Is it really that 'pedas' or is it just me, feeling too 'shitty' about something else and blaming of this tagboard, blaming my friends? What I do know for a fact is that they are my friends and that they're just acting normal as they use to. So, it looks like it is me then, kan? But I still say "No" to that... I don't think so. So, what is it then? Why am I feeling so shitty about all these and why do I have this strong feeling its gonna get worse later?

To most people this wouldn't be much of a problem; the shitty feelings I mean - but for me it is a major problem. I just hate having to do with this feeling that am the only one thinking all these are problems and its making me and gonna make me feel shitty. To always be the one to feel down, shitty and crying - I think the drama queen in me is so true and it is so working out. BUT this time I think it is something else. But hell I guess I don't know what it is...

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Friday, April 08th, 2005 - at around 6pm.

TRUE enough something happened! I was chatting as usual with my group of close friends with some strangers over at my tagboard - when all of a sudden, boom. It hit me. It hit me right at my face. What? This did

"KAU SIBUK KENAPA LEA. KAU DAH EXPIRED UNTUK JADI RATU ATAU CROWNKAN RATU PAHAMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KERTUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!"

Wohoo - I knew I was feeling shitty all day a bit but this? It just hit me, slap me right on my face. I am now suke sibuk? I am now expired to be a queen or crowing one? I'm OLD? Ever experienced the fact that you're alright feeling shitty for not knowing why you're all gloomy and grumpy and feeling bad and sad over something you don't know? Imagine that and suddenly, boom! You got this msg over at your tagboard, and it was from a friend - claiming it was just a joke? Oh - how lame can he get when giving excuses? I know I know it was probably really was a joke or something. But since I was feeling a bit confused about feeling all this grumpy and shitty and what not - this was a real big slap on my face. Of course I couldn't blame this friend of mine becoz yeah, he didn't know I was feeling all these grumpy shitty and what not, correct? But at the same time, one cannot blame me for starting to keep quiet, and thinking about the joke that could actually somehow or rather be true, and started crying. You can't blame me for that, right? And so I decided to lay low and keep quiet - continued crying while my two phones were switched off. Since, well, Lea is just a drama queen and with this act? She has proven to the world that she's a world-class best drama queen, or should we say - World's Best Soap Opera Queen???

These were the things I FELT yesterday till later last night;

1. My friends will never take me seriously whenever I feel really down and crying my heart out - why? Well - I'm just another drama queen.
2. Teasing can be fun - and it can also break someone's heart - apparently, 'twas my heart they sliced into thousand little pieces
3. I was already feeling down - perlu ke make things worse?
4. Don't my friends realize that I DO have a heart? And a sensitive one, please take note?
5. Even the right words that seems to rhyme, can eventually be a wrong thing?
6. I felt like I couldn't show how sad I was - as no one would wanna believe how I felt being humiliated as part of their 'teasing' scheme?
7. I guess when it comes to the world of Drag Queens - true, teasing was and still is and will always be a part of life - but doesn't anyone know the word, limits?
8. I feel as though someone I really really like also tends to not understand me and agrees to the fact that am just another sicko wacko drama queen who only wants attention?
9. My day was from average, to slow, to the maximum of pure sadness and pathetically damned. What would be coming up next?
10. Everyone says "We know her, she'll be fine soon" - does anyone know and realize that, maybe, just maybe, I won't be fine, SOON?

Well - till 6pm, or so it seems around until and after that time - I felt all those things I mentioned above. And the fact that I avoided those people who were trying to call me, no - not making more drama out of it. I was trying to say "Please, I do not wish to talk to you just yet, and I do not want to make the impression that I am DESPERATELY wanting you to believe that I am really crying and this is not just a mere-act of a drama queen" - I mean, SOAP OPERA queen. Basic rule number 1 when you're down, universally, is that you would wanna be alone - and so was I...

**************************************************
Saturday, April 09th, 2005

Im feeling a slightly better today. A little bit of the frustration is gone. I slept off early last night, as early as 9pm, after Isya'. I was pretty much tired after crying my heart out the whole evening, plus, I did go for swimming and that contributed to the fact that it got me all more and more tired. Couldn't be bothered to do anything, after Isya'. So I decided to really get some rest and sleep for today.

And this morning, after Subuh prayers, after I finished off the first Juz' *Yes, for your info, I 'khatam'ed my Quran on Tuesday night, during the family weekly Al-Quran-reading gathering thingie* of the holy Al-Quran, I felt a lot better. And afterwards, had breakfast, that really made things even better. What do you expect, FOOD? Of course it'll make me feel somewhat better. But I was not completely over and done with the things that happened yesterday - If I'm over and done with it, yes, I agree, I am just a mere soap-operan queen who maintain her sad character act for more that 12 hours. So as I'm feeling, still feeling shitty about all these, there you go - it is true, I was depressed over yesterday's whole teasing measing issue.

I never quite understood why people think that when they can assume stuffs, that makes them superior?. I mean I KNOW, YOU KNOW, we all bleed when cut, cough when sick, sleep when tired. So what makes you think you're better than me? Wanna know something - one point that makes you look INFERIOR compared to me is that when you THINK you KNOW how someone else thinks and feels, that's when you're wrong - you can't assume or think you know how someone else thinks or feel. Everyones been through problems and has their own ghetto story. So you can't assume you know things and that it will get better "I KNOW SHE'LL BE OK" - hell yeah I'll be fine but only when I SAY IT - so don't assume it. For all you know, I could be getting a nice tie, a branded one, so it'll be somewhat of a good quality that holds a good heavy thing without ripping it apart - and go and hang myself. Would you expect that? Would be able to say "I knew she's gonna do that" ? So, you might have known me well - but being human, can one predict how another human behaves just becoz "Oh I know her well"? Go tell that to your 'I-charge-RM500-an-hour' shrink, after realizing "I thought I knew her but how come she did something that I didn't have expected she would be doin'?"

Ok, well the way I started this entry was probably a bit too much, but as my page reads "STORIES OF MY LIFE - I WRITE YOU READ" - so, its all from the bottom of my broken heart. The situation happened to me throughly made my head and heart hurt.

It might be the cavity I think have been trying to reer it's ugly head. And I guess my eating cold ass fries, a philly steak and cheese sub, and rasberry tea doesn't help. But all of that has absolutely nothing to do with the price of tea in china.

DECLARATION:
^{The events taken place in this blog are all true. Although, sometimes names have been mentioned, some changed, some I might not even mention - to protect the innocent, guilty, and the wealthy.}

I have totally no idea why I STILL feel like keeping quiet. Probably becoz although some of my depressions and frustrations are already out, there are some still left, intact, in my heart and my soul. I know I'm one of the luckiest person to be on earth for having great friends, great strangers who likes me, and above all, for having a blogpage of my own to write what I feel deep inside. Yet, I'm broken in a way. I have too many thoughts in mind, which make me feel like a f&$^#@g person. It was a ridiculous day, yesterday. The ridiculous me doing ridiculous things. Things that is no good and wasting my hell lot of time. BUT, I was just being the real me - the one whose heart got sliced up by a friends' mere tease.

Sometimes people just wish things dont turn up in certain way. I wished that too. We can't differentiate what's right and wrong... sometimes the point of views just go all the way down to the drain, at least mine did, yesterday - when it comes to me and my thoughts and the way I feel or felt. I wish all this was just a dream. A nightmare I shall call it. I hope I don't remember it as well. I hope nothing had happened. I hope it was a wheel of fortune. I hope I can turn back time. I hope I can rewrite yesterday. I hope I never did this and that. I wish I could be smarter to communicate, smarter to talk, so that I won't get to stuck my freaking emo to them. I wish I'm a fool. At least I don't have to think that I am stupid enough to be fooled to a simple tease.

Things changed and changing and so am I - but for the good or for worse? Hell I don't even know the answer to most of my questions for now.

^{Can you guess how am I feeling now after this entry? WRONG - am not feeling better. CORRECT - am feeling SLIGHTLY better only...}

^{Entrance to the school}
January 2nd 1995, Monday - the day I first time jejakkan kaki ke Pondok Upeh’s MRSM Balik Pulau. Not that it was my first time ever sebab I’ve been to that school like banyak kali la jugak sbb I used to have my second brother yang studied situ also way back in 1988 and 1989. My cousin pun ade seorang jugak yang studied sitiew in 1992 and 1993. So kirenye, I’ve jejakkan kaki kat situ banyak kali lah jugak; but as a student, that was my first time.


^{Inilah dia MRSM Balik Pulau, 11000 Pondok Upeh, Penang}
Lepas PMR I got the offer to join in MRSM Balik Pulau, Penang. I applied for Taiping and Jasin as for my 1st and 2nd choice, respectively. And MRSM Balik Pulau was my 3rd choice. I guess, it was like destinied – kaum kerabat, ahli keluarga muargakiew semua kena gi MRSM Balik Pulau. Ehehe. So I was like the third wakil from my keluargamuarga yang gi MRSMBP.

So anyways, the first day kat MRSM Balik Pulau was like – hmmm, indescribable. The school yang pernah menjadi sekolah my abang and also my cousin, now, *then*, dah jadik my school also. Ramai sangat orang on the first day. Tak cukup ramai dengan students, parents, family, ade jugak yang nak hantar student, datang ala ala satu rombongan gittu. Hehehehe. Among those ramai2 students form 4 yang mendaftar masuk, ade jugak yang from my previous school, yang dapat MRSMBP also and ade jugak from my kampong, so ade lah kawan jugak, so I guess I wasn’t alone afterall. Seniors pun ade dah mek noticed seorang dua yang mek dah ala ala kenal rupe but dinch kenal personally.


^{On that very first day of school/registering, area nih penuh dengan students, family, friends, not to mention - cars and vans too! On normal days, this is how the main area depan office/ hall looks like}
I remembered clearly lepas amik ujian English kat dewan, utk determined which class you akan dimasukkan *late me found out me dalam class A eheh top class ok!*, mek went back to the asrama. Waktu tu my mom dengan my dad dah dok sebok2 clearkan my room. My stuffs jgn tanye la. Macam nak pindah rumah I say. Everything I rase nak bawak, perlu ke idak, mek hentam jer labu. Bawak jugak. So as me and my parents tgh sebok clearing my room, unloading my stuffs and what not, muncul lah seorang student, kecik molek orangnye, masuk lenggang longgok kangkong Mak Limah, ke bilik yang boleh muatkan dua orang student itiew.

Dia kenalkan diri dia as Aizul and dari sitiew, dialah roomiekiew, dia lah sahabat baikkiew, dia lah budak sekampungkiew, dia lah segala2nya dan yer, dia lah jugak antara adik2 (jambu2) yang vast kat MRSM waktu tu dengan mek! Ehehehe… kire, seangkatan lah. Mula mula just the two of us, then as time passed us by, nah ade lagik 3 yang seangkatan. Sorang from Terengganu, sorang from Selangor and sorang lagik from Penang, Bukit Mertajam to be exact. Ehehe – jadik lah us one group. I guess it was kindda like amazing jugak duduk MRSM nih sebab kat MRSM nih banyak students from many other states, from different backgrounds, and what not – semue under one roof, MRSM BALIK PULAU.

Berbalik kepada cerits mek di MRSM. Selepas seminggu lebih duduk asrama penuh, NAH! Mek dah teresak2 menangis kat public phone ok, crying my heart, or should I say, crying my lungs out kat my mom, memujuk merayu, sampai to one extend memaksa my mom to ask my dad to take me out from the school. Tak tahan sundel! I was like, urgh! I couldn’t stand the food kat dewan selera; almost one week tu, me only went to the schools cafeteria jer – sanggup bayar ok! Pastu, I couldn’t sleep well at night- panas ok no air cond! Then kena buli – imagine, just ONE bloody week at that bloody school and the seniors were like torchering me, us, juniors, especially yang lembut2 jambu2 nih, upside-down-inside-out! Kena buli ape? Haiyoh! Basuh baju seniors berbaldi2 lah, kena kiwi kasuts la, iron baju la, itu la ini la – mana mek tahan!!! Orientation 3 hari jer, the remaing 4 days of the first week tu, torcher ok!!! Tensi teramatz lah sangat.

Tapi lepas my mom told me my dad said “FINISH OFF WHAT YOU STARTED- you’re not coming back home until you finish your SPM next year”- and lepas mek kena brainwash dengan Aizul – I slowly but surely and steadily telah mengadaptkan diri dengan keadaan sekeliling yang ala ala very, so tak classy utk mek! I hated the toilet! I hated the fact that I had to get up every stinking morning at 5.30 stinking morning for Subuh, and I hated the fact that I had to do a lot of stuffs dalam the first month tu. Yer lah, mana lagi bab bab study subject2 baru. Mana lagi I have get myself used to mandi ramai2 dalam toilet azab with no hot water! Mana lagi I nak kena do this, do that, register this and that, haiyoh! TENSI!!! Tapi thank GOD after the 3rd week, I was slightly ok… I survived!!!

Enough about introduction – shall not dwell much about that. And I will also NOT dwell about my study life; why? BORING lah. Nanti bohsan pulak mek citer pasal mek top scorer paper nih la, mek on Deans list la, mek nye cgpa nih la itu la… kang korang cakap boring lah, mek nih run run run around the bush before me sampai ke tahap orgasm lah… kan? Betul dak Leez? Kan u ols cakap mek suka pusing2 kona2 dari citer objective sebenar entry mek, kan? So I nak ikut nasihat u ols lah. Straight to the point, ye ke dak Kak Leezie? Miss G aka Miss World also sama u ols! – Dia cakap “Nyeh, tulisan bernas2 tak semestinya panjang2 lebar2. Write short stuffs also kalau points meletop, meletop lah citer kau tu”, kan G, Miss World cum Ex Miss Universe cum Ex Miss Intelligent Universe? Ehehehehe. G dan Leez, jgn marah mek nah. Saje nak buat advert. Leez tak nampak mek buat link kat nama u ols? See – promosi ok!

So two years mek kat MRSM Balik Pulau – it tought me a lot. Seriously. I never knew how to makan UDANG. Seriously, kat MRSM lah mek start belajar makan udang. MRSM lah jugak the place yang telah mengajar me to basuh baju, jemur kain dan iron my uniforms. Dulu at home, either mommy buatkan or my maid yang buatkan semua. Even made my own bed also I learned kat MRSM ok. Basically my point is that MRSM tought me a lot in being independent, gittu.

I was pretty much Miss “Jambu Of The Year” in my school – Yes yes, muntah lah u ols kalau u ols nak, but it’s a fact! Waktu tu dragonrina lite2 sugi ok. How? Malam2 weekend, me and my fellow jambu adik2 friends would amik selimut and lilit2kan kat badan and pretended that it was a lavish evening gown, and we started playing beauty pageants. Yes, my interests dalam dunia peragaan dan jugak beauty pageants lahir way back in schools also, bak kata Che Detz, kan??? And yes, mek always either pemenang or 1st runner-up. Siap ade q/a lagi nih. Mek and Amirul, one of my fellow groupmate, dia also memang minat Miss Miss nih. Every year never missed nak record. 1996 kan Malaysia dak tak show those beauty pageants kat dalam tv. Sanggup call auntie dia in Singapore suruh record the show. Heheeh … Mirul… Mirul…

Ok, here’s the story about my group in MRSM. Back then, me ade this group of jambu adik2 friends, yang seniors labeled as “THE MAGNIFICENT FIVE”- There were 5 of us including me in the group, namely Aizul, Amirul, Sufian, Rizal, and me. Mana2 pergi, the five of us memang akan bersama. Dah la satu dorm semuanye, except Amirul, he was is another dorm but still in the same block. Mandi sesama, berkemban semuanye nih. Ehehehe – Gi makan sesame, jalan gi class/ prep also sama2, petang2 turun bersukan sesama, Aikido class sama2 semua. Yes, back then kitaorang bak kata orang dinch bols dipisahkan dah u ols. And jangan terkejut, Rizal, Sufian, and me, three of us were in the school’s volleyball team ok! Played for district and also states. Active ok. Very bising kami main volleyball... "SEDIA YA? HAAAIIYYAAHH!!! PIRING BERPUTARRRR!!!!!" Very the ala ala citer Jepun dulu tu, Mario Attack? Tah… betul ke idak spelling nye but I’m sure you guys tau what am talking about kan?

Mek on the other hand, also very active in debates and dramas, English Language Society secretary 2 years in a row ok! (yes yes that also explained my drama queen behavior) and that took me to a lot of places around Malaysia yang mek sendiri never been to. Just imagine, at 16, mek baru first time rase gi PERLIS and also PAHANG, how? Very cacatted, kan? Eheheeh. I was in the schools’ debating team since 1st semester, sampai mek completed my 4th semester (dah senior dah waktu itiew, form 5 dah). Our debating team was the nationals 1st runner-up for two straight years ok. (hmm meaning to say ‘badi’ 1st runner-up mek nih also dari school ek? Patutlah terbawak2 sampai waktu bertanding ratu bile dah besar, selalu sangat 1st runner-up! Eheheh)

I remember we staged Puteri Gunung Ledang punye drama, but the puteri was Amirul, how? Dah terserlah keadik2kan, kan? Eheheh. Mek ala ala assistant director aje. Ehehe.

Coming to ‘social’ life in MRSM pulak. MEMANG seronoks you ols. Imagine waktu form 4 lah paling best sbb we had seniors, so terasa lah diri itiew very babyish sikit. Boleh mengada ngada manja over2, seek public attentions also was very easy when we were juniors Bile naik form 5, my group just couldn’t be bothered about our juniors pulak, biarpun yang cando2. Malas ok. Rase macam tua pulak. So waktu form 4 lah, very der you ols,… Meriah ok! We were like the talk of the school. Yer lah, sah sah the 5 of us jer very adik2 pecah lobang ok. We had loads of abang angkats and kakak angkats, I enjoyed the attention also. Weekends the seniors would sell stuffs like chocolates or burgers to collect some money utk either dorm diaorang ke, society ke. Meriah lah jadiknye perkampungan students MRSM itiew. Kiteorang (me and my group, MOST of the time AIZUL jadik mangsa ikut mek) would catwalk from the dorm, semata2 turun gi beli burger kat abang2 seniors can do2 yang sold em itiew. Walhal, tak makan pun. Saje je getek nak membeli. Ade yang kami buat dedications – by 2nd semester, waktu mek semester terakhir as a junior, mek selalu dapat a lot of burgers. Selalunye my rommie yang akan habiskan those burgers. Aizul, Aizul… eheheh.

Speaking of my roomie, now dah jadik cikgu terlatih dah di Sarawak (funny bile dengar cerite minah ketot tu jadik cikgu kepada students2 yang jauh lebih muda tapi tinggi dari dia. Heehhee)… he was the best roommie one could possibly asks for. Memang best you ols berroommate dengan dia. Dia memang hardworking, kuat sentap, and above all, kuat study itiew. I masih ingat lagi. Malam2 lepas prep, or during weekend nights, kalau we decided to study for any exams ke ape ke, ade satu teori u ols leh nampak berlaku dalam our room yang telah menang BEST ROOM OF THE SEMESTER for 4 semesters berturut2! – The theory was; Dia study, mek tidur. Dia tidur, mek also tidur u ols! Ehehehe.

MRSM jugak mengajar mek erti BJ dan anal. Ehehehe – yes yes, try reading THIS ARCHIVE!!! You’ll find out how me lost my a**-virginity at the tender and sweet innocent age of 16! Ehehehe. Happy readings u ols!

Peeps! Tadik, just before me nak tulis what am about to tulis nih, mek dah nearly siapkan satu perenggan about “HANTIAN” – HANTU kes about MRSM BALIK PULAU and the things yang mek went through with these hantian cases. Apa dah jadik? TIBE2 MY PC KAPUT OK! Hilang habis semue dah mek dah agak. But luckily mek typed this entry kat my Microsoft Words so ade auto recovery. Tapi u ols, why suddenly the pc kaput waktu mek nak citer pasal kes hantian Juita yang kacau mek dulu itiew? Funny kan? So anyways, bukak my auto-recovered file, nah! SEMUE STILL INTACT EXCEPT citer perenggan bab hantian Juita. DUA KALI happened ok! So nampak sangat it’s telling me NOT TO WRITE about it. SO I get the point. So mek terpaksa skip kes scarry marry kat MRSM BALIK PULAU – GOD! That scared me a lil – meremang bulu roma mek tetibe. Tsk tsk tsk. Ok NEXT PLEASE?

So mek nak kena bukak citer lain. Hmmm – oh, MRSM jugaklah telah menyebabkan mek habis beratus-ratusan ringgit tau! No, bukan kes duit hilang or kena curi. No no. Mek dulu RATU WALKMAN – everywhere I go, walkman here walkman there. Cannot live without it ok. Actually, to be more precise, I cannot WALK / CATWALK without my music kat my lubang telinga.

Ade sekali itu, mek tengah duduk2 lepak2 kat padang tgk rugby *one of my favorite activity ptg2 waktu dah bergelar senior, since mek tak ade apa apa plan, mek akan listen to my walkman and tgk rugby, sometimes with Aizul, sometimes alone* And that padang, outsiders kadang2 masuk also u ols. Sentap tak one day, this mak cik was sitting there with another 2 makcik. They tgk me one kind, mek tetap pose Future Miss Malaysia pose, smiled and then buat bodoh jer. Waktu diaorang mengumpat mek, I tgh rewind my cassette itiew. NYEH! MAK CIK TU CAKAP “Tsk tsk tsk – kesian kan? Bebudak zaman sekarang. Muda2 dah PEKAK! Dah kena pakai itu alat pembantu pendengaran…” KEZI TAK!?! SO anyways that’s not the point of this paragraph. Alkisahnye, since Jan 1st 1995 sampai mek grad 23rd Dec 1996, I lost a total of 18 SONY WALKMANS yang mahal2 ok! SENTAP TAK!? Selalu je kena curi walkman mek sebab I always took the liberty to get whats best in the market – nah! Amik! Selalu hilang ok! Sedeh sangat!

Bukan walkman jer, now, new paragraph, new item. YES – mek dulu also ratu POSE with CAMERA – mek ALWAYS lah I say always, ALMOST EVERYDAY mek akan snap pics. Tiap2 minggu, ade jer mek akan gi cuci Kodak roll itiew. So talking about camera, sepanjang mek duduk there in MRSM, I lost 3, tapi by end of 2nd semester, the 2nd one yang hilang itiew, telah dipulangkan balik oleh senior yang telah mencurinye dengan alasan NAK PINJAM. Ehehe – sentap tak? Tapi masuk 3rd sem, hilang also that camera – bawak lah 3rd camera gi MRSM – PON HILANG! Masuk 4th semester, mek bawak camera cekai punye gi – Nah! Tak der pulak orang nak curik!? Ehehehe

Apa lagi ek? Study wise nak citer ke? Tak yah la ek. Biase je. Same jer kalau nak citer bab bab study mudy nih. Any other dramas? Erm – mek selalu jadik postman senior boys yang nak tekel bebudak girls juniors. Maklumlah, mek very the close the bebudak girls, be it junior or senior girls. So mek lah ala ala jadik messenger gittiew. Tapi it was worth doin’ also. Mek dapat attention most of the time sbb jadik “most wanted” jambu yang baik hati suke menolong – walhal, I was used tapi at that time, too stupid to realize it. Eheheh.

Dah la kot – mek also tak tau nak citer apa apa dah pasal life mek kat MRSM sbb terlalu interesting sangat. What I do know is that, MRSM Balik Pulau – the best two years of my life there, mek dinch akan forget, sampai bile2!!! Its’s been 9 years since I left that school. But ade some memories still fresh! Banyak bende yang dah berlaku within that 9 years, dan ade jugak antara bende2 tu mek belajar dari MRSM. Me still keep in touch dengan my classmates – we do group emails now and then, just to tannak putuskan tali persahabatan. 3 or 4 of my classmates dah kawin, siap ade yang dah beranak pinak dah nih. Haiyoh… Yes, Krol, one of the 50 Most Eligible Bachelor of the Year fo Clea Mag, was one of my classmates. Memang cando orangnye, dan baik. Click kat nama dia itiew to read up more about him.

Anyways, MRSM telah banyak mengajar mek stuffs and made me who I am now. *that’s something serious, bukan joking punye tone ek* and next year, genaplah 10 tahun mek grad dari MRSM BP and dengar khabar ade big gathering thingie? Entah lah – mek tak update sangat. I only update pasal classmates I jer. Yes, especially Krol. Ehehe Krol, I hope you’re reading this boy. Ehehehehe.

Seriously, I will NEVER ever forget, the place yang telah mengajar mek erti berdikari, a place yang buatkan mek kenal ramai kawan and most of all, the place where I discovered, the real me and most of, the place where I earned what we call it, SPM! Ehehe… MRSM PONDOK UPEH, BALIK PULAU, PENANG – The memories will always stay fresh in my mind… :)


^{PS - Nak tgk pics2 kat MRSM dulu2 itiew? Tunggu nah - mek nak scan pic2 lelama mek while in MRSM- just got to find where the hell are those pics. Mek rase ade kat KL lah! Hanj hanj sekals!!! Hmmmmmm - cam mana ek? I'll work it out nanti - tgk lah! Tunggu updates on PHOTOS- pasal facts dah tertulis sudah, now nak complete those whole thingie-walk-down-the-memory-lane, kite perlukan those pics. So tunggu jer lah ek?}

Peeps - just a short one,

This pix, ok dak? Ehehe - mek suke sebab ade element mek dalam notice itiew - TOTAL BITCH! Ehehee. Mek suke mek suke mek suke! I was thinkin' of doin' this as my banner - what say you ols?


^{Image by STEAL THESE @ blogdrive.com}

Commentas pleasenah??? Eheheh - mek menunggu dengan peeeeenuuuhh harapan! Ehehe. Apa itiew commentas pleasenah? Isk isk isk - tak belajar Spanish ka? HAHAHAH - sesuke hati jer cakap itiew bahasa Spanish, mampos aku kena maki dengan Leez ngan Miss G once they read this entry - why? Sah sah dua dua itiew expert in Spanish Latino Langgie... Ehehe. Tak der lah, commentas pleasenah tu tadik, that's my way of saying, COMMENTS PLEASE, nah????? Ehehehehe

Luv,
Nurlea Laurielle

Dearest all, especially to katadah.Warrior @ the.Guardian7 and Rob,

Guys remember my 'Thank you-wish list' that I made as an entry the other day? The one yang I mentioned names of those who came in for my tagboard chatparty at my blogwarming party? Ok - and so, it's like, remember I said like "ade ke, tak der ke, your names dalam list nih, it doesn't matter much to me sbb all that matters the most to me is that I wanna say is a big THANK YOU? BUZZ! Wrong! I'm NOT ok with it. To me, I want it to be purfecto, I guess...

Dalam list tu I THINK I listed ALMOST everybody's nick yang ade kat chatparty mek hari tu. And true enough, I added TT's nick at the end of the entry *Tukang Taip* sbb just before the party ended, dia joined the taggyboardy. So basically, tak der nye nicknames yang kat party itiew yang mek terleft out, except for these two - katadah.Warrior @ the.Guardian7 and also Rob (sorry Hon, I had to do this), and that's what making me a bit sad.

katadah.Warrior @ the.Guardian7: I don't know who he is or ape ape, anything about him, tapi what I do know is that he's a friend of TT and now a friend of mine, who seriously has this sensitivity in him, and that touched me in many ways - tapi, for all I know, he could be a SHE? LOL! That's not the point. The point is that - true, nama dia jer yang mek tak updated lagi and that actually buatkan mek terasa dinch boleh tidur - mek terlupe nak letak nick dia dalam thank you list tu? Dinch lupe la - just tak teringat time tu sbb dia pun joined in last last minute... *tetap tannak mengaku salah tak letak nick itiew... ehehe*

Rob: This guy however, insisted me to keep his profile, very low and wished not to chat kat my tagboard during the party sebab dia segan. But after today, I noticed he dah managed to blend into the group. What can I say, he's a fast learner. True, I may not know much about him tapi it made me feel worse sbb mek chat dengan dia kat tagboard tu kejap tapi mek dinch included nama dia dlm list? So again - mek dinch puas hati and so I had to do this.

So here it is...



*SMILE+still with SIGH* - I feel sllllllliigggghty better, Thank You Very Much.

Now, the list of names however were like the ones yang datang for my tagboard party on April 5th. So ppl like Miss World @ Miss Gurun, Miss International, fiebieRossa, Zairil, and EVERYONE ELSE, Everybody! yang chats lepas the day, well, you ols - hear this. Walaupun nickname u ols dinch ade for my party and also in the 'Thank-You wish' list, I just wanna let u guys know that I truly appreciate you guys chatting at my tagboard and the support you guys gave me - Especially Fiebs, G, Fir - a big groupie huuggiies and THANK YOU and THAT HUGGIE AND THANKIE YOUIE also to the rest, ok? Mek dinch pilih kasih nah! Semua mek nak ucapkan thank you - "Kalau boleh, saya nak tughun, I wanna say Thank You to each and everyone of you - but that's a bit impossible right? So that's why, I've made a special song for you, and this is called, AKU CINTA PADAMU" - Very Sheila Majid waktu buat concert dulu2 itiew... mek ingat! Mek ingat! Hehehe...

On the other hand - what made me feel great today, I mean, yesterday, was - my tagboard was so lively and so ceria meria and so ramai chatters! Mek suke! Bukan ape, I love chatting and mek suke tgk tagboard mek meriah - bukan popularity wise - tapi mainly mek can make a lot of new friends... Tagboard nih dah like, buatkan mek have like what, not only drag queens and gayboys - but at the same time, I'm very much honored to have straight women and men coming in, bukan sekadar view/reading my blogs - but also chats kattagboard mek. Who they are? Pepandai la figure out yourself tapi - ade kalangan mereka yang straight. So jgn terkejut...

And plus - I learned something from those yang MJ2!! *mulut jahat - actually, since we can't hear 'em and can only read what they type in the tagboard, I'd say JJ - Jari Jahat! Eheheh* - These 'unwelcomed guests' which I welcomed also and were also dalam my thank list - why? Sebab I believe that they have a reason for doing the things they did or saying/typing the things yang popped up kat tagboard tu, and basically they're only human - so I have to face life, people and reality. So what's the thing I learned I guess. Sakit hati dengan tulisan mereka? DELETE saje... ehehe. And plus - buat donno. HEHEHEHE

SIGH+SMILING I feel MUCH better - NOW I think I can go to bed... Goodnight everyone!!!

PS - Should you guys nak tgk pics2 chatters or those yang baca/viewbiew my blogmog iminimie - click jer kat LOGO CAMERA WITH FLASH itiew. Yangmana? Yang ado atas tagboard mek and also BAWAH tagboard mek. Yang mana? HAIYOHH!!!


Kalau tak nampak jugak, TOLONG LAH KOREK BIJIK MATA ANDA ITIEW! Eehehe.
Its a GALLERY of pics - NO NOT MINE! Pic of CHATTERS and also blog-readers/viewers lah! Haiyoh!

May I sleep in peace and dream of my one and only hunk, Marcus Schenkenberg!!!! Marcus babeh, bile nak pinang I nih!?!?! U nak suruh I tunggu sampai bile!? ESOK MASIH ADE? NAN ADO!!! Ehheheh... Goodnight u ols!

Dearest all,

OH MY GOD! You guys are never gonna believe this! I just had the most exclusive scoop for my next entry. Yes peeps. Me considered the first yang interview ponen nih. Walaupun dinch face to face and only over the phone tapi mek tetap teruja dan terkasima dengan respond Miss G nih yang tak tahu menahu perbualan kiteorang akan dijadikan bahan utk mek buat entry baru blog mek. Hehehehe. Haliaaa haliaaa... ampunkan mek!

Just now, well, relatively, siang tadik, more specific, ptg tadik, mek called Miss G aka Miss Gurun aka Miss Halia Kering, the newly crowned Miss World 2005 at the recently held Miss Universe World 2005. It began as a normal phone call (sbb I intended to do the interview formally waktu mek nak jumpe dia this coming weekend) tapi tup2 bergosip2, dan mek pikir, dari bergosip2 dan buat dosa kering (which this Halia is very good at also) and further more buangkan duit bayar bill telephone kat ponen nih, baik mek cube nak get up close and personal with Miss G dengan soalan2 casual cepumas ala ala soalan2 duing q and a session inih.

*After dah nearly 5 minutes bergossip – mek selekoh tukar topic.

LL: Nyeh, tell me lar – what was it like during the event?
MG: Alah gal, u know la pageant2 ni. Macamlaaa hang tak biasa kan, lagi mau tanya mek. Anyway it was good la. A bit problems here and there but overall ok. I'm happy about the way it was handled....

LL: U ols faced any problems or difficulties tak prior to
the event? Cam mana u ols overcome it?? Citer lah sikit?
MG: Problems? Hmm mmg la banyak tapi koser lah mek nak listkan satu-satu. Anyway hang pun tahu kan apa problem2 nyer. Most of them are personal problems that I think should not be shared in public, if you know what I mean. Mek tau hang dok tanya ni utk letak kat blog kan? Hanjjj.... So mek dinch mau komen!!

LL: Kowser lah. Mek saje nak chitchat ngan hang. Over tau adik2 feeling suka tuduh menuduh. Anyways apa ko buat, I mean, your preparation for this contest? Before2 this tak pulak mek teringin nak menanya – tetiber je rase nak tanya, jawab siket?
MG: Biaselah gal, kita ratu2 ni perlu ker nak prepare bagai utk masuk pageant? Hehe... Taklah, mek memain jer. Anyway mek prepare quite byk gak but not as much as masa MU dulu. This time around I need to firstly get into shape by doing yoga. Then practise posture, catwalk & pose. At the same time, cari dress, which in my case I was lucky sbb mak ayam Iwan sponsor.

LL: Kelesss mek ayam Iwan sponsor ko ek? Er – siape dia itiew?
MG: Over tau ko tak kenal siapa Iwan. Yang waktu rehearsals MU2004 ko duduk tertiarap dalam ballroom ngan dia tu hape!?

LL: Owh that Mak Ayam Iwan, yang from Singapore itiew, kan? Kenal kenal kenal. Make ups alsos dias kers yangs buatskans u ols?
MG: Dinch u ols. Mekap pulak luckily Leez recommended kat Wai, who's a great mekap artist who did this amazing job on me. Lelain tu, adelah mental preparations and Q&A, logistics such as beli barang2 pakaian dalam etc. Alah gal benda2 biase la utk masuk pageant. Nothing out of the ordinary. And NO, I didn’t go mandrem yek, contrary to popular belief, hehe.

LL: Owhhh Wai katanye make upkan kau. Mek ingatkan si Ezzard Fieka Rashika Gothika tu siapkan u ols. Hehehe. Anyways What did you think of the contest, overall?
MG: L! Hang tingtong lah! Hang dah tanya la soalan tu. Over la pondan ni, aku yg menang dia yg tingtong... Hehe sial jer kan...

LL: Nyeh- mek tersasul la. Erm, apa nak tanya lagi ek? Was the crowd supportive towards you?
MG: VERY!! But they were supportive to all the contestants gal, so bukanlah mek nak kata mek menang sorak or what la. Some of our friends were in that crowd also, so diorg pun contribute to the support. That’s very nice!!

LL: Ooo... G, honestly, did you expect to be in the top 10?
MG: I hoped to be in top 10, tapi takdelah I expect apa2. You know my target only top10 kan?

LL: Yer ke? Hehehehe what was your initial reaction to the question
during the q/a session?
MG: I was like "What?" soalan tu mek rasa tricky sgt. Mek also tatau apa yg I merapu. Tapi I had points la, itu mmg mek make sure, sbb mek make sure tak lari dari soalan & kedua mek make sure cakap ade point.

LL: Rasa2 hang lah, hang eppy dak with your answer?
MG: Not as happy as I was with my MU question. Tapi overall ok la jugak, sbb mek kan alala blank masa dia tanya soalan tu kan. So, for a question that I was blanked by, I think its quite a sufficient answer la. And for that, I'm quite happy la...

LL: Erm, ape ek soalan yang u ols dapats malam itiew during the q and a ittiew??? Tanye reactions lah apa la, soalan yang ko dapat, harammm mek tak tahu pun?
MG: Over lah hang. Ko saje nak suruh aku cakap banyak tau, macam ko tak baca kat CD punye blog. The q was something like, alah normal la thank you this and that. Then I said something like I believe everyone agrees that its impossible for us to play God and grant someone an extra sense, in this case an extra eye. However,should I have one extra eye, I would like for it to be at the back of my head, so that I can see everything that's been going around my back.Then my usual closing statement and thank you la. Mcm biase...

LL: Nyeh – tu JAWAPAN hang. Mek was asking ko SOALAN ko dapat malam ittiew? SIAPA TINGTONG SEKARANG! Ko ke aku?
MG: E eh? Ko nak feeling sentap dengan mek nih kenape, hanjeng? Ehehe – soalan dia pasal MATA ketiga apa tah, where would I want my third eye if I were to have one lah. Haiyoh ko nih, suka tau memanjang lebarkan bende. Hehehehe.

LL: Ko macam tak tahu mek DQ! *Drama Queen. Anyways, if you could redo the answer, what would it be like?
MG: Hmmm, well, mek takde point nak cakap masa tu. So if I had the point "mata hati" tu, I would answer something like: I would choose to have the extra eye on my heart, because the eye of the heart opens the window to the soul. The heart controls all the other 5 senses, so if my heart has an eye of its own, it can control all my other senses and, hopefully that makes me a better person. Then I will do the closing and thank you la mcm biase...

LL: Haiyoh, very sentap jawapan ko sundel. Dah macam Miss Mauritius punye answer, only slightly better sbb hang jawab in English. But whatever, jawapan itiew, NAN ADO akan come true, unless we can turn back the time lah kan.
MG: Yer lah sundel!

LL: Nyeh, what do you think of other contestants, namely those who made it into the final cut of 10 finalists?
MG: I think they're all great & they deserve to be there la. Ada gak my friends yg tak dapat top10 but I think should have been in top10. Hey hey wait a minute, hang nak publish benda ni kat blog hang ka? Mek takut mengumpat lelebih nanti kang aku kena serang ngan pondan2 lain nih... Hang nak sabo aku noh! Binatang!

LL: Shuddup and just jawab jer lah soalan2 aku nih lahanat! Ko tak percaya kat aku ke? Dinch lah publisitikan semua nih u ols. KO kan suke low profile, I’ll keep it that way *walhal tgh tulis point forms kat kertas nih apa si G nih tengah cakap. Soalan sudah tertulis nih! Dia haram tak tahu, eheheheh, YA Ampun!

LL: G, I know hang hoped to be in top 10, tu pun sebab dah naik pekak telinga aku ko asyik cakap itu jer. But did you expect to be in the final 6? Honestly?
MG: Well I expected to be #5 or #6. As soon as I realized I didn’t get the two, I was quite certain I might not be able to make it into the higher positions. But as soon as they all sebuts nama mek, I mean, my country, as 1st runner-up, I was shocked la jugak. But happy. I think I waved to the crowd kot. Ntah mek dah lupa. Mek dah tingtong masa tu. I think the crowd went crazy kot. Chewah mek feeling banyak penyokong nih. L, hang jgn dok tulih benda ni dlm blog hang ok. Aku tahu lah ko dahagakan entry terbaru, kan?

LL: Sial je. Anyways, previously kan you were Miss Universe 2003, now 1st runner-up a.k.a Miss World 2005 – do you see yourself fail to keep up the glory as being ‘the number one’? Heheh – mek suka soalan nih.
MG: No la gal, because I never set my eyes on BEING number one. In fact, mek rasa this is quite an achievement. Yelah, hang yg tak serik2 puuuun selalu dapat number 2 kan? So mek alala ikut jejak langkah hang la. Hehe. Sorry nah, terlazer... Eh apa lagi ni, mek nak pegi break la sundel, officemates mek dah tunggu tu.

LL: Ala ko nih, macam lah tak biasa sembang ngan aku sambil jalan pakai hp tu? Ko kan suka catwalk, jalan je sambil sembang kat phone tu, bukannye nak kena saman pon. Anyways, hang ada dak rasa any pressures for you as you were ex-Miss Universe 2003?
MG: Pressures... I think the only pressure regarding benda tu, it comes from myself la. Alala what if I lose badly, mesti orang ketawa kat i. normal paranoia stuff mcm tu la. Ko kenal aku la kan, mek kan paranoia paradiso... Hehe...

LL: Nyeh, mek pernah bertanding so mek pernah rasa macam nih. Ko pernah rasa also dak at one point you see yourself not getting into the top 10?
MG: I see it at all times gal. mek keep my head level so that I can accept any result. Be it in top 10 or not.

LL: Your personal view about the new Miss Universe 2005?
MG: She's pretty as a doll, tapi a bit melayu la. Her answer was also in malay, but she's got a beautifully elaborated point. I think she could score better kalu dia jawap dlm english. Oh well she won nevertheless... I'm not questioning her winning oke, she deserves every bit of it.

LL: Tah lah nyeh, I was surprised to hear she answered it in Malay sedangkan mek tahu dia punya English va va voom ok! Tapi tak perlah. Pilihan dia. Nyeh, If you could change anything that you did that night at the pageant, what would it be? Very der ala ala soalan2 Miss also, kan? Hehehe
MG: Ntah la, I can barely remember. Nothing kot. I'm happy as is.

LL: Ko de rase nak pull out or withdraw yourself from competing dak?
MG: Nope, never. Pressures etc lagi membuatkan mek berkobar2 utk buat yg terbaik. Mek kan jenis keras kepala sundel, mek dinch give up easily.

LL: Nyeh, lastly, do you have anything else to say?
MG: Yes, please hang up. Hehe, I need to go lar girl. Lets sambung later kat MSN jer la ok?

Sambung LATER? Ginger – later, this phonechat akan jadi my next big hit kat my blog! LOL! I am so evil am I not?

Top 5 winners for Miss Universe 2003; (from left to right of the pic) Miss Spain 3rd runner-up, Miss Greece 1st runner-up, Miss Peru/ Universe 2003 (Yes peeps it Miss Ginger De La Loca herself), Miss Colombia 2nd runner-up (Er, siape itiew? Aiyoh cantiks sundel! Heheeh) and Miss France 4th runner-up - E eh? Tetiber pulak pic Miss Universe 2003??? Dinch! Salah pic! Ehehehe


Ha - nih baru betuls u ols. The top three winners for Miss Universe World 2005 (from left to right of the pic) Miss Greece/ Miss Earth 2005, Miss Mauritius/ Miss Universe 2005 and our dear Miss Ginger De La Loca, Miss Seychelles/ Miss World 2005 - courtesy of Che-Detz

For more updates and photos, please visit:

• Che-Detz's blogpage


• Che-Detz's fotopages


• Mirch @ Cinta's blogpage


• Mirch @ Cinta's fotopages
  

Dearest all...

Sometimes kite as manusia, we tend to forget; no, no, not forget, bukan lupe, the word is, ah yes, neglect, mengabaikan - yes, that's better. So anyways, we tend to neglect our harta pusaka tatkala sibuk mengejar pembangunan dunia ini. We hear/see nowadays hutan2, tasik2, lautan and what not - dimusnahkan for the purpose of technology and also pembangunan negeri/negara. We also hear banyak bangunan2 bersejarah, or bangunan2 lama like those in Penang, dimusnahkan for pembangunan terkini, yang canggih manggih!

Thankfully in Kedah, pihak kerajaan negeri dan juge the States' Museum Board directors decided to move this one stately-old teratak Tok Su from its original spot, and rebuilt it and bring back its grandeur back to life...



For more of these pics, please visit my fotopages by clicking at pic above - it'll redirect you to my fotopages. I'll be updating more on this entry with facts and details - so those yang berminat, nak kasik komen, please do so - yang nak tunggu baca updates bab ini, check it out LATEST by esok malam.. kalau tak - tunggu ajo ler, ye? :)