Sunday, January 07, 2007
1001 Ragam Manusia On Board...
Lama jugak ek me dinch buat entry pasal pengalaman, sharing experiences mek sewaktu berkhidmat as MAS Cabin Crew, kan? Well kali nih, mek terasa nak buat entry nih, yang thanks to ISIS NATASHA punye ENTRY la mek dapat idea nih. Credits to Isis... *Clap clap! Clap sikit semua... pandainyiieerrrr...*
DISCLAIMER: Dalam entry nih, contoh² cerita yang mek taruk nih, bukan sekadar yang dilalui mek personally, malah ada yang dilalui oleh kawan² mek yang kemudiannya diceritakan kembali pada mek. Cerita² nih bukan gambaran 100% tentang crew MH (MAS) yer. Apa yang me ceritakan here basically what either me, or my friends personally went through dan with no niat nak burukkan mana² pihak - be it crew ke, passengers ke or even MH as for that matter. My main tujuan is just to share. Thank you...
Bukan skadar keje dengan airliner, bahkan, keje mana² sekalipon yang ade dealing with kelibat manusia as pelanggan, macam keje banks ke, penyambut tetamu ke, hotels ke ape ke, or even keje office dimana kite kena jumpa/ berinteraksi with another human beings, sudah pasti dan semestinya we're bound to meet 1001 jenis ragam manusia, kan? And as for me, waktu keje dengan MAS dulu, mek also had the opportunity to meet 1001 types of people bergelar passengers/ customers, yang adakalahnya, tak mematuhi piagam "CUSTOMERS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT"<- dalam hati mek, yaaakkdush! Tak der maknenye u're always right when u're always WRONG! Kan?
ENCOUNTER 1 - Refreshment Service
Kes nih, bukan setakat kawan² mek yang went throught it - mek pon lalui jugak and personally, my encounter was a bit too much for me not to laugh dan carut dalam hati (DALAM HATI JER YER - ko gila mek nak buat cakap direct depan passenger tu? Mau kena KOMPLEN lepas tu! LOL!). From point A to point B, we call it as 1 flight, kan? For us crew/ orang² airlines, we call it, 1 sector... So mrasalah certain sectors, depending on the flight time and routes, services may differ. Like Alor Star ke KL, sector tu, dan sector² lain dari di Semenanjung Malaysia ke KUL (KL) tu, dikire as short sector domestic flight dan in Economy class, kiteorang serve JUICE/ drinks jer (back then la. Now mek tatau depa serve apa sebab dok naik Air Asia jer kan? Hehehe). So sectors like KUL-KCH (Kuching) and BKI (KK) tu pulak - domestic short sectors, kiteorang serve meals. Like for KCH ke KK pulak, kiteorang serve refreshment ala ala sandwich and juices with coffee or tea bagai, kan? Ha - dalam flight tu la terjadinya insiden iney... bende nih jadik lepas service Economy class completed, collection of refreshment trays done katanya.
Passenger: Hello... hello... (Panggilnya seorang passenger kat mek as dia nampak mek dok catwalk kat aisle B737-400 tu pi mai pi mai dok check the cabin, tgk ade pa per yang boleh dok collect by hands ke ape ke kan...)
Me: (ADOI! Perlu la ko nak berhello²? Like mek ado NAMA, NAME TAG! Tak gherti² nak sebut ley?) Yer Encik... (Tetap nih senyum sokmo lite² sentap dalam hati...)
Passenger: Erm... dah habis dah ke? (Dia tanya sambil dok look around depan belakang cabin)
Me: Ape yang dah habis Encik? (Mek tanya dia, also sambil tgk depan dan belakang cabin - habis apanya tatau!?!)
Passenger: Makan?
Me: Owh - dah Encik. Kenape? Encik nak pa per lagik ke?
Passenger: Ade pa per yang leh makan lagi tak? Sandwich tadi tak kenyang la...
Me: Owh ye ke. Kiteorang ade peanuts and biscuits - maybe saye boleh buatkan coffee or tea if you like? Kite still have time before kite land into KK...
Passenger: Ler... biskut dengan kacang je? Lain² makanan ringan tak der ke? Fries ke, chips ke, salads ke ape ke?
Me: (DALAM HATI MEK, nak jer mek jawab "APA ENCIK PIKIR INI MC. DONALDS KE!? MIGHT AS WELL KO TANYA NASI AYAM MC. D ADA DAK?" kan?) *Sambil senyum lite² mek jawab... Tak der Encik... so Encik nak ke saya buat coffee ke tea ke ape ke?
Passenger: Tak per la. Thanks...
Me: (Dalam hati - SIAL! Merajuk la tu sebab tak der FRIES yer? Hahahahaha!) Ok... if you need anything, please do not hesitate to call any members of the cabin crew... (Giiiituuu lah! Plastic kah!? LALALALA!)
ENCOUNTER 2 - Uniform
As kite semua tahu, kiteorang crew ado uniform sendiri, kan? The stewardesses pakai kebatat (kebaya ketat) and for us, stewards (motif us? HAHAHA mek stewardee - ops!) kite orang ade 2 types of jacket. Satu yang all dark green, dipakai with a tie waktu on ground kat aiport and what not - and the one onboard, during service tu, kan kami pakai jacket lain pulak? Kalau tak notice, sila terbeliakkan bijik mata anda bile naik MAS nanti (tu pun kalau depa still maintain pakai uniform steward yang sama la - katanya nak tukar?). Kan onboard kami pakai jacket hijau bersongket gold kat edges tu, and also dinch pakai tie - pakai dengan bow tie, kan? Ha - mrasalah insiden nih berlaku waktu disembarkation kat airport mana tah. Ingat waktu embarkation naik flight jer ke the lorong² dalam aircraft tu jam? Mrasalah nak turun dari flight pun ada kalanya jam. Dan waktu tu la jadi insiden nih...
Passenger: So *****, lepas nih end of duty ke, or u guys flying off ke somewhere lagi?
Me: Dah habis dah - boleh cha alif bot! Hehehehe
Passenger: (Gelak sesama dengan mek) Suke la ye? Eh, tadi bukan you pakai jacket yang ade tenunan songket emas tu ke?
Me: (Motif ko taste kat mek ke yang ko prasan mek dah tukar jacket, bersedia nak berambus balik?) Hmmm, owh itu jacket for service onboard jer. Kami nak balik, kena tukar pakai yang ini pulak...
Passenger: Ic ic. Cantek jacket yang service tadi tu. You guys dapat tukar baru every year ke cemana?
Me: (Sambil mek nengok jam - haiii! Lembab pulak dahhh disembarkation kali nih! Mek dah ngantuk dan penat nih!) Ha ah - yearly. Tapi I hardly change pun sebab masih dalam keadaan elok, tak baik wasting...
Passenger: Itu la, kalau elok lagi, rugi jer tukar, kan? Tapi kalau diaorang suruh tukar jugak? Yang lama dipulangkan or disimpan?
Me: Sepatutnya dipulangkan - tapi I normally simpan. So banyak siket stock kat umah boleh tukar² - tak der lah lusuh nanti, kan? :)
Passenger: Ic. Eh tapi kalau dah banyak sangat, call la I... boleh bagi kat I satu set, nak pakai raya...
KEJI LAH! Ini pickup line yang paling HAZAB LAH! Ko taste kat mek ke, taste kat uniform mek!? Kalau taste kat uniform mek, ko memang SICK! Motif nak pakai jacket yang ade tenunan songket gold yang also ade logo MAS tu utk RAYA!?!?!?!?! Gila ka apa?! Ke feeling² nak mengaku diri kau pon crew?! Dan kalau ko taste kat mek dan ini lah gayanya kau nak tackle mek, ala ala pickup line tu, ko memang SICK also! Keji lah! MEK GELAK DALAM HATI JER!
ENCOUNTER 3 - Drink Order
Ini jadi kat mek waktu mek buat flight international long haul flight, dan mek diassignedkan keje in Business Class. Procedure wise, lepas take off, sebelum start any meal service, drinks yang telah diorder oleh penumpang, akan diservekan, sambil depa makan satay dulu, sebelum service meal dimulakan. Dan waktu tu, on ground lagi, since passenger in Business Class tak ramai (eh, ramai ke tak ramai ke, tetap kena buat procedure nih), mek dah started amek drink order, utk pass kat galley steward (FS B) mek. Yer, waktu tu mek keje Business class stewardess (FSS B). Eh, mek dah citer dah dulu nih, kan? Sapa keje dalam cabin, regardless dia laki ke pompuan ke adek² ke, designated job dia tu diberi nama Stewardess Cabin. And sape keje Galley, regardless dia steward ke stewardess ke stewardee ke, dia akan digelar Galley Steward. Gittu... so anyways...
Me: Excuse me Sir, any drinks for you after take off? (In Business Class and First Class, nama passenger harus disebut. NAMUN, sekiranya PIS *Passenger Information Sheet* belom diserahkan oleh ground staff ke supervisor crew dan belum dipasskan kepada the cabin stewardess, mrasalah kena SIR dan MADAM jer, kan?)
Passenger: Erm... I would like to have, tea please...
Me: How would you like your tea Sir?
Passenger: (Mujur dia tak jawab cam 'orang tu' - "I would like my tea in a cup", kan? HAHAHA! Mek tannak sebut sape, satgi mek kena SAMAN! LALALAL! Kalau u ols check my previous past past entries pasal MAS and me nih kan, mrasalah you'll find out siapa yang cakap "TEA IN A CUP" tu, kan? Heheh or was it COFFEE tatau? Hurmmm...) Make it black, with 2 sugars pls... (cubes yer!)
Me: Will do, thank you Sir...
Passenger: Owh yes and add some ice with it...
Me: Err, ok Sir... will do...
Passenger: And yes please add some lime cordial, and garnish with lemon slice, and have that drink in a glass and not in a cup please? Thanks...
MACAM KESIAL! Bukankan lebih senang kalau ko cakap, "I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ICE LEMON TEA" !?!?!?!!?!?!?! Macam gampang! Passengers are always right ley? Ini right la sangat, kan? Walhal ada lagi cara nak RIGHT kan keadaan tu. Order bagai nak rak, alih² ICE LEMON TEA! Tak ke sentap aku time tu habiskan 5 minit utk dia sorang je? Owh well! He paid for the flight and for my salary too, yeah true. Tapi perlu la ko nak bagi tahu cara² nak buat your drink sekali? HAHAHAHAHAHAAH!
ENCOUNTER 4 - Aircraft Properties
Pillows, blankets, cutleries, apa² jer product/ perkakasan hak milik airlines, by right, TAK LEH DIBAWAK TURUN yer. Tapi kalau ade yang curik² bawak turun tu, hehehe - kalau lepas dari security, dan tak kena tangkap, ok lah. Kalau kena, mrasalah pulangkan balik! PULANGKAN! Hahahaha!
Tapi yang ini, kesahnye agak LAIN sikit. Bukan mek yang laluinya - tapi kawan mek. Batchgirl mek yang went through this dan citerkan kat kami semua...
Scene: After all passengers dah disembarked keluar dari flight. Crew² tgh sebok check for bende² yang maybe tertinggal ke ape ke oleh passengers, and some sebok helping the aircraft cleaners clean the cabin, preparing for the next flight, sebok betul²kan newspapers and doing all the on-ground transit duties... when the securiy came onboard with one passenger, aged dalam linkungan 24 to 25, Malay man, nerdy a bit, and nampak cam, tah - cam tak betul lite² geeky jer?
Leading stewardess: Ade apa nih bang?
Security: Cik tanya la dia sendiri apa dia dah ambik turun dari flight nih?
Leading stewardess: Encik, Encik ada ambik ape ape barang hakmilik MAS nih ke?
Passenger: *Tunduk - diam*
Leading stewardess: Bang, apa dia dah amek bang? Kalau setakat pillows/ blankets ke ape ke - ala bende kecik jer bang...
Security: Cik tanya la bebetul apa dia amek. Tapi kalau dia taknak cakap, cuba tgk apa yang dok tergantung terjuntai keluar dari beg dia nih...
Si leading nih pon dok la belek² - apa kebendenye... familar sangat bende berjuntai tu...
Leading stewardess: YA ALLAH! LIFE VEST!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!
Ha hamek kau! Bukan EY (economy) pillows and blankets ke, or styrene juice cups or what not yer - LIFE VEST YER! Yang dok ado kat bawah seat tu! KO ADO!? Kalau ado, ko mamps ley!? Kawan mek time tu dah tergelak² dalam hati tgk leading stewardess mek macam nak pengsan. Yer lah, if found missing, Leading tu la kena sebab... err... tah? Ke the captain tah? Tapi yang mek tau, big problem la for the whole set of crew kalau the lifevest tak cukup katanya, kan?
Apa alasan budak tu tatau?
Passenger: Saya baru 1st time naik kapal terbang, dan mungkin last time saya nak naik kapal terbang. Saya sakit dan mungkin tak hidup lama. Saya nak abadikan kenangan saya naik flight, selama²nya abadi dalam hidup saya...
AND YOU DECIDED TO CURIK AMEK BUAT TANDA INGATAN LEY BY AMEK LIFE VEST MAS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Kesian gak mek dgr dia nye alasan - nak mati dah, hidup dah tak lama, kan? Tapi perlu la kau mencuri sebelum mati?
Kalau kes macam nih tetap nak kata "PASSENGERS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT" - mek nak BUNOH DIRI!
ENCOUNTER 5 - Teh Tarik
Bende nih jadi kat seoarang teman mek, Leading stewardess. Dan lepas tu, ade selang beberapa bulan, like dejavu, berlaku kat mek piuler! HAHAHA... keji la keji! It was KBR-KUL sector, (Kota Bharu ke KL - and ini sector kawan mek tu yer. Kesah mek, similar to this la, only thing was mek acting Leading steward sebab Leading mek MIA for flight, dan mek had a junior steward with me. Whereas kawan mek nih, Leading stewardess, and had a junior stewardess working with her in B737 Business Class cabin yang memuatkan 16 seat dan it was FULL flight, 16 passengers... all men katanya, ala ala business/ government ppl... mati la if Isis, dia address them as P²WS, kan? Pakcik Pakcik Waktu Senja, KAN ISIS!? Mati la kau!) Dan sepertimana kite tahu (or may not know), KBR-KUL sector, short flight, kan? And Business Class, diaorang serve refreshment (in economy, juice sector sajork - mati la with fries and chips and salads too! LOL!). So anyways, berbalik pada citer kawan mek nih...
On ground: As all passengers boarded the flight, stewardess tu sebok serve welcoming juice, hot towel, simpan jackets pakcik² tu semua and entertained them with other things like news paper lain, selali yang dalam seat-pocket in front of their seats tu and stuffs. And lepas tu, as the stewardess nak buat drink-order for after take off, utk diserve sekali dengan refreshment tu, it was time to do the Safety Demo briefing. So tertunda japs her Drink Order tu. Lepas dah habis safety demo, dia quickly nak amek drink order supaya tak kelam kabut after take off baru nak amek, takut lambat pulak. And waktu dia dok amek drink order tu, ala² aircrafts engines dah on, so ala ala dengar tak dgr jer passengers nih cakap ape kan, (biasalah - Business Class pax kan profile depa semua high² class - majority la kan, and diaorang bukan jenis cakap kuat macam kat pasar, kan? BUT NOT THIS TIME!!!) and the junior stewardess pulak, PEKAK, kan... so mrasalah... ditanya nya berulang kali kedua rasenye...
Stewardess: Ape dia Encik?
Passenger: TEH TARIK, KURANG MANIS - 2 SUGARS PLS!
And waktu tu, she was only asking the 1st two passenger's drink orders. MRASALAH kerana kepekakkannye si stewardess tu, by the time dia HABIS amek all 16 pax drink order, penumpang² lain yang dgr jeritan 1st passenger tadi tu mintak teh tarik, HABIS yang lain² nih pon gigih mintak teh tarik also! Kalau dah selalu naik business class, tak yah la jerit kalau kami crew tak dgr. Tak salah hang anjakkan badan hang tu siket, pi dekat² siket stewardess/ steward tu, dan ala ala cakap slow² yang hang nak TEH TARIK KURANG MANIS 2 CUBES OF SUGAR, kan!? Hang ingat nih kedai MAMAK!? Dan yang lain² 15 pax nih pon, adoi la - dah dgq sorang mintak teh tarik, semua pakat nak mintak teh tarik. Mau tak semput, kempot, nak mampos kami yang nak buat teh tarik one by one bagainya tarik nak rak dalam galley sempit Business Class B737 tu! Kesian kawan mek. Dia tarik lah one by one teh tarik tu.
Tapi kes mek lain SIKIT. Kalau kes nih tadik si passenger tu yang jerit, kes mek, si steward mek yang PEKAK OVERDOSE dan very the suara kalahkan suara garau mek - dia yang pi jerit...
Steward: OWH, nak TEH TARIK YER. Sorry yer Encik, tak brapa jelas...
Nah! Habis semua passenger dalam business class tu nak teh tarik also. MEK DAH CUAK! Hello!? Mek masuk training school, mana ada diajar buat teh tarik sampai 16 glass. Tapi MUJUR ade sorang senior steward pernah kasik tips cemana nak buat teh tarik EXPRESS. (MANA² crew yang baca teknik nih kat blog mek nih, kalau dah tau,ok la. Kalau yang baru tahu, dan cuba nak buat, kalau KENA dengan mana² supervisory crew or senior crew, jgn hang nak kata mak ajaq nah! Sendiri buat, sendiri mau tanggung!)
1. Masukkan uncang teh yang banyak² tu dalam tea jug
2. Rendam dengan air panas sehingga mencapai kepekatan yang diingini
3. Keluarkan uncang² teh tu
4. Masukkan gula (cubes) secukup rasa - hentam jer lah
5. Masukkan susu kedalam jug itiew (On board kami tak der susu pekat - dan bukan susu tepung yer, mind you. Kami guna evoporated milk yer... mek sker!) sehingga mencapai color teh susu yang sewajarnya (pon, mek main pakai boh ikutdan jer, dan hentam jer la labu!)
6. What? Tuang/ tarik ke dalam gelas? ADDINCH! Step 6, masukkan teh susu panas yang dah siap tu kedalam botol MINERAL WATER BESAR yang kosong... tutup botol tu dengan penutup. AWAS: Jgn tuang teh susu tu PENUH sampai satu botol tu. AGAK² dah ler like, 3/4 full?
7. KOCAK YAHHH KOCAKKKKK! GONCANG DEKNON GONCANG! Hoyehhhhh hoooyehhhh!!!! *Dinasihatkan buat adengan lucah - that'll make it even FUN! LOL!
8. Tuang ke dalam gelas - DAH! Siap ade buih! MRASA!!!
Mati la mak! Hahahahahahahaha
DISCLAIMER: Dalam entry nih, contoh² cerita yang mek taruk nih, bukan sekadar yang dilalui mek personally, malah ada yang dilalui oleh kawan² mek yang kemudiannya diceritakan kembali pada mek. Cerita² nih bukan gambaran 100% tentang crew MH (MAS) yer. Apa yang me ceritakan here basically what either me, or my friends personally went through dan with no niat nak burukkan mana² pihak - be it crew ke, passengers ke or even MH as for that matter. My main tujuan is just to share. Thank you...
Bukan skadar keje dengan airliner, bahkan, keje mana² sekalipon yang ade dealing with kelibat manusia as pelanggan, macam keje banks ke, penyambut tetamu ke, hotels ke ape ke, or even keje office dimana kite kena jumpa/ berinteraksi with another human beings, sudah pasti dan semestinya we're bound to meet 1001 jenis ragam manusia, kan? And as for me, waktu keje dengan MAS dulu, mek also had the opportunity to meet 1001 types of people bergelar passengers/ customers, yang adakalahnya, tak mematuhi piagam "CUSTOMERS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT"<- dalam hati mek, yaaakkdush! Tak der maknenye u're always right when u're always WRONG! Kan?
ENCOUNTER 1 - Refreshment Service
Kes nih, bukan setakat kawan² mek yang went throught it - mek pon lalui jugak and personally, my encounter was a bit too much for me not to laugh dan carut dalam hati (DALAM HATI JER YER - ko gila mek nak buat cakap direct depan passenger tu? Mau kena KOMPLEN lepas tu! LOL!). From point A to point B, we call it as 1 flight, kan? For us crew/ orang² airlines, we call it, 1 sector... So mrasalah certain sectors, depending on the flight time and routes, services may differ. Like Alor Star ke KL, sector tu, dan sector² lain dari di Semenanjung Malaysia ke KUL (KL) tu, dikire as short sector domestic flight dan in Economy class, kiteorang serve JUICE/ drinks jer (back then la. Now mek tatau depa serve apa sebab dok naik Air Asia jer kan? Hehehe). So sectors like KUL-KCH (Kuching) and BKI (KK) tu pulak - domestic short sectors, kiteorang serve meals. Like for KCH ke KK pulak, kiteorang serve refreshment ala ala sandwich and juices with coffee or tea bagai, kan? Ha - dalam flight tu la terjadinya insiden iney... bende nih jadik lepas service Economy class completed, collection of refreshment trays done katanya.
Passenger: Hello... hello... (Panggilnya seorang passenger kat mek as dia nampak mek dok catwalk kat aisle B737-400 tu pi mai pi mai dok check the cabin, tgk ade pa per yang boleh dok collect by hands ke ape ke kan...)
Me: (ADOI! Perlu la ko nak berhello²? Like mek ado NAMA, NAME TAG! Tak gherti² nak sebut ley?) Yer Encik... (Tetap nih senyum sokmo lite² sentap dalam hati...)
Passenger: Erm... dah habis dah ke? (Dia tanya sambil dok look around depan belakang cabin)
Me: Ape yang dah habis Encik? (Mek tanya dia, also sambil tgk depan dan belakang cabin - habis apanya tatau!?!)
Passenger: Makan?
Me: Owh - dah Encik. Kenape? Encik nak pa per lagik ke?
Passenger: Ade pa per yang leh makan lagi tak? Sandwich tadi tak kenyang la...
Me: Owh ye ke. Kiteorang ade peanuts and biscuits - maybe saye boleh buatkan coffee or tea if you like? Kite still have time before kite land into KK...
Passenger: Ler... biskut dengan kacang je? Lain² makanan ringan tak der ke? Fries ke, chips ke, salads ke ape ke?
Me: (DALAM HATI MEK, nak jer mek jawab "APA ENCIK PIKIR INI MC. DONALDS KE!? MIGHT AS WELL KO TANYA NASI AYAM MC. D ADA DAK?" kan?) *Sambil senyum lite² mek jawab... Tak der Encik... so Encik nak ke saya buat coffee ke tea ke ape ke?
Passenger: Tak per la. Thanks...
Me: (Dalam hati - SIAL! Merajuk la tu sebab tak der FRIES yer? Hahahahaha!) Ok... if you need anything, please do not hesitate to call any members of the cabin crew... (Giiiituuu lah! Plastic kah!? LALALALA!)
ENCOUNTER 2 - Uniform
As kite semua tahu, kiteorang crew ado uniform sendiri, kan? The stewardesses pakai kebatat (kebaya ketat) and for us, stewards (motif us? HAHAHA mek stewardee - ops!) kite orang ade 2 types of jacket. Satu yang all dark green, dipakai with a tie waktu on ground kat aiport and what not - and the one onboard, during service tu, kan kami pakai jacket lain pulak? Kalau tak notice, sila terbeliakkan bijik mata anda bile naik MAS nanti (tu pun kalau depa still maintain pakai uniform steward yang sama la - katanya nak tukar?). Kan onboard kami pakai jacket hijau bersongket gold kat edges tu, and also dinch pakai tie - pakai dengan bow tie, kan? Ha - mrasalah insiden nih berlaku waktu disembarkation kat airport mana tah. Ingat waktu embarkation naik flight jer ke the lorong² dalam aircraft tu jam? Mrasalah nak turun dari flight pun ada kalanya jam. Dan waktu tu la jadi insiden nih...
Passenger: So *****, lepas nih end of duty ke, or u guys flying off ke somewhere lagi?
Me: Dah habis dah - boleh cha alif bot! Hehehehe
Passenger: (Gelak sesama dengan mek) Suke la ye? Eh, tadi bukan you pakai jacket yang ade tenunan songket emas tu ke?
Me: (Motif ko taste kat mek ke yang ko prasan mek dah tukar jacket, bersedia nak berambus balik?) Hmmm, owh itu jacket for service onboard jer. Kami nak balik, kena tukar pakai yang ini pulak...
Passenger: Ic ic. Cantek jacket yang service tadi tu. You guys dapat tukar baru every year ke cemana?
Me: (Sambil mek nengok jam - haiii! Lembab pulak dahhh disembarkation kali nih! Mek dah ngantuk dan penat nih!) Ha ah - yearly. Tapi I hardly change pun sebab masih dalam keadaan elok, tak baik wasting...
Passenger: Itu la, kalau elok lagi, rugi jer tukar, kan? Tapi kalau diaorang suruh tukar jugak? Yang lama dipulangkan or disimpan?
Me: Sepatutnya dipulangkan - tapi I normally simpan. So banyak siket stock kat umah boleh tukar² - tak der lah lusuh nanti, kan? :)
Passenger: Ic. Eh tapi kalau dah banyak sangat, call la I... boleh bagi kat I satu set, nak pakai raya...
KEJI LAH! Ini pickup line yang paling HAZAB LAH! Ko taste kat mek ke, taste kat uniform mek!? Kalau taste kat uniform mek, ko memang SICK! Motif nak pakai jacket yang ade tenunan songket gold yang also ade logo MAS tu utk RAYA!?!?!?!?! Gila ka apa?! Ke feeling² nak mengaku diri kau pon crew?! Dan kalau ko taste kat mek dan ini lah gayanya kau nak tackle mek, ala ala pickup line tu, ko memang SICK also! Keji lah! MEK GELAK DALAM HATI JER!
ENCOUNTER 3 - Drink Order
Ini jadi kat mek waktu mek buat flight international long haul flight, dan mek diassignedkan keje in Business Class. Procedure wise, lepas take off, sebelum start any meal service, drinks yang telah diorder oleh penumpang, akan diservekan, sambil depa makan satay dulu, sebelum service meal dimulakan. Dan waktu tu, on ground lagi, since passenger in Business Class tak ramai (eh, ramai ke tak ramai ke, tetap kena buat procedure nih), mek dah started amek drink order, utk pass kat galley steward (FS B) mek. Yer, waktu tu mek keje Business class stewardess (FSS B). Eh, mek dah citer dah dulu nih, kan? Sapa keje dalam cabin, regardless dia laki ke pompuan ke adek² ke, designated job dia tu diberi nama Stewardess Cabin. And sape keje Galley, regardless dia steward ke stewardess ke stewardee ke, dia akan digelar Galley Steward. Gittu... so anyways...
Me: Excuse me Sir, any drinks for you after take off? (In Business Class and First Class, nama passenger harus disebut. NAMUN, sekiranya PIS *Passenger Information Sheet* belom diserahkan oleh ground staff ke supervisor crew dan belum dipasskan kepada the cabin stewardess, mrasalah kena SIR dan MADAM jer, kan?)
Passenger: Erm... I would like to have, tea please...
Me: How would you like your tea Sir?
Passenger: (Mujur dia tak jawab cam 'orang tu' - "I would like my tea in a cup", kan? HAHAHA! Mek tannak sebut sape, satgi mek kena SAMAN! LALALAL! Kalau u ols check my previous past past entries pasal MAS and me nih kan, mrasalah you'll find out siapa yang cakap "TEA IN A CUP" tu, kan? Heheh or was it COFFEE tatau? Hurmmm...) Make it black, with 2 sugars pls... (cubes yer!)
Me: Will do, thank you Sir...
Passenger: Owh yes and add some ice with it...
Me: Err, ok Sir... will do...
Passenger: And yes please add some lime cordial, and garnish with lemon slice, and have that drink in a glass and not in a cup please? Thanks...
MACAM KESIAL! Bukankan lebih senang kalau ko cakap, "I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE ICE LEMON TEA" !?!?!?!!?!?!?! Macam gampang! Passengers are always right ley? Ini right la sangat, kan? Walhal ada lagi cara nak RIGHT kan keadaan tu. Order bagai nak rak, alih² ICE LEMON TEA! Tak ke sentap aku time tu habiskan 5 minit utk dia sorang je? Owh well! He paid for the flight and for my salary too, yeah true. Tapi perlu la ko nak bagi tahu cara² nak buat your drink sekali? HAHAHAHAHAHAAH!
ENCOUNTER 4 - Aircraft Properties
Pillows, blankets, cutleries, apa² jer product/ perkakasan hak milik airlines, by right, TAK LEH DIBAWAK TURUN yer. Tapi kalau ade yang curik² bawak turun tu, hehehe - kalau lepas dari security, dan tak kena tangkap, ok lah. Kalau kena, mrasalah pulangkan balik! PULANGKAN! Hahahaha!
Tapi yang ini, kesahnye agak LAIN sikit. Bukan mek yang laluinya - tapi kawan mek. Batchgirl mek yang went through this dan citerkan kat kami semua...
Scene: After all passengers dah disembarked keluar dari flight. Crew² tgh sebok check for bende² yang maybe tertinggal ke ape ke oleh passengers, and some sebok helping the aircraft cleaners clean the cabin, preparing for the next flight, sebok betul²kan newspapers and doing all the on-ground transit duties... when the securiy came onboard with one passenger, aged dalam linkungan 24 to 25, Malay man, nerdy a bit, and nampak cam, tah - cam tak betul lite² geeky jer?
Leading stewardess: Ade apa nih bang?
Security: Cik tanya la dia sendiri apa dia dah ambik turun dari flight nih?
Leading stewardess: Encik, Encik ada ambik ape ape barang hakmilik MAS nih ke?
Passenger: *Tunduk - diam*
Leading stewardess: Bang, apa dia dah amek bang? Kalau setakat pillows/ blankets ke ape ke - ala bende kecik jer bang...
Security: Cik tanya la bebetul apa dia amek. Tapi kalau dia taknak cakap, cuba tgk apa yang dok tergantung terjuntai keluar dari beg dia nih...
Si leading nih pon dok la belek² - apa kebendenye... familar sangat bende berjuntai tu...
Leading stewardess: YA ALLAH! LIFE VEST!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!
Ha hamek kau! Bukan EY (economy) pillows and blankets ke, or styrene juice cups or what not yer - LIFE VEST YER! Yang dok ado kat bawah seat tu! KO ADO!? Kalau ado, ko mamps ley!? Kawan mek time tu dah tergelak² dalam hati tgk leading stewardess mek macam nak pengsan. Yer lah, if found missing, Leading tu la kena sebab... err... tah? Ke the captain tah? Tapi yang mek tau, big problem la for the whole set of crew kalau the lifevest tak cukup katanya, kan?
Apa alasan budak tu tatau?
Passenger: Saya baru 1st time naik kapal terbang, dan mungkin last time saya nak naik kapal terbang. Saya sakit dan mungkin tak hidup lama. Saya nak abadikan kenangan saya naik flight, selama²nya abadi dalam hidup saya...
AND YOU DECIDED TO CURIK AMEK BUAT TANDA INGATAN LEY BY AMEK LIFE VEST MAS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Kesian gak mek dgr dia nye alasan - nak mati dah, hidup dah tak lama, kan? Tapi perlu la kau mencuri sebelum mati?
Kalau kes macam nih tetap nak kata "PASSENGERS ARE ALWAYS RIGHT" - mek nak BUNOH DIRI!
ENCOUNTER 5 - Teh Tarik
Bende nih jadi kat seoarang teman mek, Leading stewardess. Dan lepas tu, ade selang beberapa bulan, like dejavu, berlaku kat mek piuler! HAHAHA... keji la keji! It was KBR-KUL sector, (Kota Bharu ke KL - and ini sector kawan mek tu yer. Kesah mek, similar to this la, only thing was mek acting Leading steward sebab Leading mek MIA for flight, dan mek had a junior steward with me. Whereas kawan mek nih, Leading stewardess, and had a junior stewardess working with her in B737 Business Class cabin yang memuatkan 16 seat dan it was FULL flight, 16 passengers... all men katanya, ala ala business/ government ppl... mati la if Isis, dia address them as P²WS, kan? Pakcik Pakcik Waktu Senja, KAN ISIS!? Mati la kau!) Dan sepertimana kite tahu (or may not know), KBR-KUL sector, short flight, kan? And Business Class, diaorang serve refreshment (in economy, juice sector sajork - mati la with fries and chips and salads too! LOL!). So anyways, berbalik pada citer kawan mek nih...
On ground: As all passengers boarded the flight, stewardess tu sebok serve welcoming juice, hot towel, simpan jackets pakcik² tu semua and entertained them with other things like news paper lain, selali yang dalam seat-pocket in front of their seats tu and stuffs. And lepas tu, as the stewardess nak buat drink-order for after take off, utk diserve sekali dengan refreshment tu, it was time to do the Safety Demo briefing. So tertunda japs her Drink Order tu. Lepas dah habis safety demo, dia quickly nak amek drink order supaya tak kelam kabut after take off baru nak amek, takut lambat pulak. And waktu dia dok amek drink order tu, ala² aircrafts engines dah on, so ala ala dengar tak dgr jer passengers nih cakap ape kan, (biasalah - Business Class pax kan profile depa semua high² class - majority la kan, and diaorang bukan jenis cakap kuat macam kat pasar, kan? BUT NOT THIS TIME!!!) and the junior stewardess pulak, PEKAK, kan... so mrasalah... ditanya nya berulang kali kedua rasenye...
Stewardess: Ape dia Encik?
Passenger: TEH TARIK, KURANG MANIS - 2 SUGARS PLS!
And waktu tu, she was only asking the 1st two passenger's drink orders. MRASALAH kerana kepekakkannye si stewardess tu, by the time dia HABIS amek all 16 pax drink order, penumpang² lain yang dgr jeritan 1st passenger tadi tu mintak teh tarik, HABIS yang lain² nih pon gigih mintak teh tarik also! Kalau dah selalu naik business class, tak yah la jerit kalau kami crew tak dgr. Tak salah hang anjakkan badan hang tu siket, pi dekat² siket stewardess/ steward tu, dan ala ala cakap slow² yang hang nak TEH TARIK KURANG MANIS 2 CUBES OF SUGAR, kan!? Hang ingat nih kedai MAMAK!? Dan yang lain² 15 pax nih pon, adoi la - dah dgq sorang mintak teh tarik, semua pakat nak mintak teh tarik. Mau tak semput, kempot, nak mampos kami yang nak buat teh tarik one by one bagainya tarik nak rak dalam galley sempit Business Class B737 tu! Kesian kawan mek. Dia tarik lah one by one teh tarik tu.
Tapi kes mek lain SIKIT. Kalau kes nih tadik si passenger tu yang jerit, kes mek, si steward mek yang PEKAK OVERDOSE dan very the suara kalahkan suara garau mek - dia yang pi jerit...
Steward: OWH, nak TEH TARIK YER. Sorry yer Encik, tak brapa jelas...
Nah! Habis semua passenger dalam business class tu nak teh tarik also. MEK DAH CUAK! Hello!? Mek masuk training school, mana ada diajar buat teh tarik sampai 16 glass. Tapi MUJUR ade sorang senior steward pernah kasik tips cemana nak buat teh tarik EXPRESS. (MANA² crew yang baca teknik nih kat blog mek nih, kalau dah tau,ok la. Kalau yang baru tahu, dan cuba nak buat, kalau KENA dengan mana² supervisory crew or senior crew, jgn hang nak kata mak ajaq nah! Sendiri buat, sendiri mau tanggung!)
1. Masukkan uncang teh yang banyak² tu dalam tea jug
2. Rendam dengan air panas sehingga mencapai kepekatan yang diingini
3. Keluarkan uncang² teh tu
4. Masukkan gula (cubes) secukup rasa - hentam jer lah
5. Masukkan susu kedalam jug itiew (On board kami tak der susu pekat - dan bukan susu tepung yer, mind you. Kami guna evoporated milk yer... mek sker!) sehingga mencapai color teh susu yang sewajarnya (pon, mek main pakai boh ikutdan jer, dan hentam jer la labu!)
6. What? Tuang/ tarik ke dalam gelas? ADDINCH! Step 6, masukkan teh susu panas yang dah siap tu kedalam botol MINERAL WATER BESAR yang kosong... tutup botol tu dengan penutup. AWAS: Jgn tuang teh susu tu PENUH sampai satu botol tu. AGAK² dah ler like, 3/4 full?
7. KOCAK YAHHH KOCAKKKKK! GONCANG DEKNON GONCANG! Hoyehhhhh hoooyehhhh!!!! *Dinasihatkan buat adengan lucah - that'll make it even FUN! LOL!
8. Tuang ke dalam gelas - DAH! Siap ade buih! MRASA!!!
Mati la mak! Hahahahahahahaha
Posted at 2:00:00 pm by Nurlea Laurielle Lai Lee Abdullah
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| Isis Natasha January 7, 2007 04:41 PM PST  erm ... hang dok cabar mek kan! merasa .. mek tunggu basalan nyew! cabaran : (4.39pm, ym pvt msg) lea_laurielle: kalau ko brani, komen la cakap TEH TARIK TIPO! lea_laurielle: mek nak balas komen tu - siap! nyeh, teh terik ni tipoooo la. mana ada teh tarik original org dok kocak kocak cerek mcm hang dong goncang goncang ittiew tin tilik nasib warga emas cina. | ||
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| Nurlea Laurielle Lai Lee January 7, 2007 04:48 PM PST  Sial Isis! Siap ade bukti nih! TAK PA! Sebelum tu, mek bidas balik bab teh tarik tu! Nyeh, apakah cara yang lebih pantas dan mudah utk sediakan 16 teh tarik within 15 minutes after take off and before service starts!? you tell me! hahaha anyways, mana nak cari CEREK dalam flight nak buat teh tarik original kau tu!? PS: Ko ade YM bukti, mek pon ade. Biarpun OFF TOPIC, tapi mek TETAP nak tempek - COUNTERBACK KATANYA! Nurlea: Isis Kamaruddin: at first dah macam taste dah .. dlm hati aiyoo jambu nye mamat tue Isis Kamaruddin: sekali dgr sore .. nyeh layu balik mak lea Isis Kamaruddin: and u knwo what die sampai tahap jalan kangkang with kaki silang atas, isap rokok style jantan Isis Kamaruddin: tingtong Isis Kamaruddin: sian TUDIAH! ISIS TASTE KAT SHEEPUKS! Mek nak buat entry SSBM la lepas nih! LALALALA | ||
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| Isis Natasha January 7, 2007 04:52 PM PST hahahahha hanjeng!! PENGSAN!!!!!!! Wait for Bel Ami Boys to give me bantuan pernafasan!! | ||
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| 5thE January 7, 2007 06:29 PM PST aiyoh... sampai ke comment la kannnn... anyways, laughed my ass off! LOL matila dinch bols kene apoms!! LOL | ||
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| 5thE January 7, 2007 06:39 PM PST 7. KOCAK YAHHH KOCAKKKKK! GONCANG DEKNON GONCANG! Hoyehhhhh hoooyehhhh!!!! *Dinasihatkan buat adengan lucah - that'll make it even FUN! LOL! << dikocok kocokkkk!! di kocok kocokkkkk!! Teh tarik INUL Daraitista sangat! | ||
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| Nurlea Laurielle Lai Lee January 7, 2007 07:24 PM PST 5thE: Kocak2 tu la kepakaran mek, KAN? OPS! Mati la handsfreejob! OPS! | ||
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| 5thE January 8, 2007 12:31 AM PST *mak pitam 5 saat* | ||
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| ADam Dryx @Serdang January 8, 2007 03:19 AM PST Salam My Lady,... Sebut pasal teh tarik, sekarang dah ada Instant Packet nyer teh tarik... satu peket boleh buat utk dua gelas.... hehehe!! Tapi rasanya tak sama la kat kedai mamak ataupun sedap sikit jer dari Kedai kak Ara... hahah!! Ops! start dari 2 tahun lepas rasanya, sekarang tiap2 zon dah ader susu pekat...apa motif derang kasik susu pekat wa tatau... tapi klu kat depan, depa buat teh tarik pakai susu pekat tu ler.... Tak silap kat 737 GCC derang dah letak satu open jug utk buat teh tarik utk 16 pax dah sekarang.... so no more main botol2 goncang nie... hahaha!! (hang kena ka?? Matilah mati... instant la sesangat!!) Apapun, klu kat FCRL 747, derang memang promo teh tarik macam derang promo sate...siap letak dlm menucard lagi.... Matilah Steward A dok prepare sate in the same time prepare Teh Tarik jugak.... Mrasa!! tata... | ||
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| Isis Natasha January 8, 2007 08:13 AM PST cheq tgh dok pikiq mcm mana bakar sate atas flight ... Uols, tak ke nanti ala ala org salah anggap terrorist attack when the flight berkepuk kepuk asap kealur dari celahan pintu? MAtilah isis faield engineering cos samakan plane with my kancil! kekekeke tudia pengsan katanya si Fifi!! hiks! | ||
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| ratna kesuma January 8, 2007 08:35 AM PST mak nak tanya kat lea sat...arituh mak naik kapal terbang mas long-haul lah...so ada ramai lah jugak mat susly...tapi yang mak dok heran nie awatlah si pukimak stwardess nie semua dok double standard kat matsalleh nie sangat heh...mau kalo melayu nie layan macam fantat mo matsalleh layan macam nak bagi puki...puki mak lagi lawa *matila of topic...tapi the problem is benda tuh happens a few times ngan air asia n mas....awat cabin crew memang diaajark supaya layan mat salleh lebey kah...mak bukan kata semua crew amacam tuh tapi ada lah crew yang macam pukimak tew...anyway mak tau lea, nok memang fair and square tak pandang pun lemang pink kah ...lemang chocolate ka...tapi mak nak tanya lah memang banyak ka cabin crew macam tuh esp perempuan...cam sial..mak benci | ||
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| Ms Papua NG January 8, 2007 12:34 PM PST Cek penah naik flight mula2 control pretty...pas tu masa nak cari seat, tu diah terjumpa geng lama steward/dess nama Shidee (if u know him/her la kan) trus2 jerit2 sakan n pecah lobang tak hingat dunia...hadek2 kan? | ||
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| tetamu January 8, 2007 01:11 PM PST semua experiences yang u tulis kat entry ni really buat i tergelak sakan. but uols yang merasa pengalaman tu sure sentap lar kan hehe. kengkadang..i sebagai passenger dalam kapal tu..observe gak passengers lain...rasa menyampah pun ada bila tengok passengers lain tu lebih2 request plakz ahakz. | ||
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| Manolo Blahnik January 8, 2007 04:55 PM PST Nurlea, awak ni nyah gak eh? | ||
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| Kak Loi January 8, 2007 07:41 PM PST I rasa passenger yang minta ice lemon tea tu tanak you pakai instant or Yeo's punye ice lemon tea kot. Dats why dia mintak macam tu. Hiks. | ||
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| bandanna January 9, 2007 05:14 PM PST u make me LOL kat office ni with all those stories!! wakaka!!! | ||
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| [Y] January 9, 2007 09:10 PM PST hikhik..funny..mmg funny..nak2 PICK UP LINE yg sedeyyddd ititew..pls larr.. | ||
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| alya January 11, 2007 01:04 PM PST u still look like a guy . why don't u just stick to being a guy ....since you still very muck look like one. it's the jawline. love - alya | ||
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| Isis Natasha January 11, 2007 01:35 PM PST LOL!!! motif ada due comment yang di luar topik disini? aiyooo n motif komen dari puki yang sentap dengan kecantikan bapok? Makan hati samapi tertulis komnetar ittiew ka? LOL!! | ||
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| chrysalis_9 January 19, 2007 07:07 PM PST Lawak la entry u kali ni...eeiii...susahnyer keje cabin crew ni kan..ekceli nk deal with ppl lagi harder than deal with numbers....macam² ragam manusia la yg u dah jumpa...sure dah masak ngan ragam manusia...gewd for u lea.. | ||
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| UggBoots January 24, 2007 03:15 PM PST hi Lea, i've been a fan of ur blog for quite sometime now..its fun to read, especially all those MH stories! funny-lar.. but if Lea ada time boley tak answer ques 'ratna kesuma' tu? i agree wit her, i've been flying with MH and SOME FSS mmg kekwat sungguh with pax melayu...why huh? nak score cik nek putih ke? kita ni bayar tempat duduk tu sama je rega ngan omputeh tu... satu lagi, usually hadeks2 ni best jer, semua dier layan sama, tapi sentap jugakla ader hadeks2 ni i buat baik n tersengih2 kat dier, dier wat kekwat...so Lea tolong jawab leh? ceh...mcm soalan melodi lak... | ||
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