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Monday, June 26, 2006

How do you feel when...


When you are being ignored, indirectly? Being ignored for no apparent reason pulak tu? Well, maybe ade la some reasons, tapi macam, reasons tu like, tak sesuaiii lahhh. Kaedahnye, for example, lets take a look at this example, nah? A dan B nih kawan la kirenye ek... :)

A: "I think la kan, me and her, both of us are moving too fast and everything seems a bit too much for me right now. So to slow things down, I think I should just ignore dia sekejap. Not completely, but just, you know, the silent treatment?"

B: "Ha, elok sangat la tu. Lepas tu, dia akan start complaining, ko mula nak ignore dia – and soon, for all you know, dia akan terasa dan merajuk. Dahhh satu pasal pulak…"

Dalam situasi ini, dua dua, A dan B, member baik nih, dua dua ade they're own personal opinion and bagi mek, walaupun both of them ade acceptable justification to the idea of giving that silent treatment to this girl of A, still, mek rase, mek will sokong statement B lagi. No, am not saying A salah, silly! Mek cakap, mek prefer dengan alasan si B.

Ok, A said that dia dan awek dia moving too fast. Moving apa tatau? Mek rase what he meant was, things that were happening around him, and his girl, was a bit too fast la kot. Tak tau la dari segi ape, tapi, secara am-nya, it was a bit too fast for A to handle. So A decided nak slow things down dengan his girl. Good move. But to just, ignore the girl, biarpun partically ignoring her, still, mek disagree. Sebab tu mek agree piuler dengan statement B. By doing this so called silent treatment, A sebenarnye tgh carik pasal la tu, kan? Like B said, kang dah ler awek tu tgh sentap sebab she yang tgh feeling2 happy tu, tiba2 dikatanya she's moving too fast katanya kan, alih2 now lagi sentap sebab dia di layan with that silensio treatment, how? Dah jadik 2 masalah dah…

Am not here to discuss pasal how cepat one relationship is moving ke, or how terburu2 people make decisions ke ape ke. Itu, tak dapat dinafikan, kalau tergesa2 dalam sesuatu perhubungan, memang ler akan jadik cam tu. Tapi disini sana sinun, issue yang cuba mek bangkitkan in this entry would be, how to deal with such situation, i.e. di mana one terasa he or she is moving a little too fast, and cuba nak slow things down. Itu yang cuba mek kupaskan. Not to say am an expert in relationships ke ape, just that mek nak share lah jugak the Do's and Don'ts yang datang dari hati mek ini. Not that its personal or anything, its just… owh well… baca jer la. I write, you read, kan Ging? Hehehehe…

I really believe that, in a relationship, be it yang fresh baru berputik, or as for that matter, any relationship la kan, honesty is always, the best policy, kan? I know ppl say sometimes, what you don't know, won't hurt you and so some things are better left unsaid, kan? But still, don't you think that kalau you, dalam kes ini, si A, yang rase his relationship with the girlfriend tu, tgh going a lil'bit too fast on the the fast track lane tu kan, kalau dia tak cakap dengan awek nye tu pasal masalah ini and continues buat this silent treatment utk slow things down, don't you guys think that it'll make things worst? Like, the awek, you can't expect dia to read A's mind now, do you? So kalau A tak cakap pasal 'going too fast' thingie nih kat awek dia, don't you think that si aweknye tu akan…
  • Terasa like, hello? Why do I feel like I'm being ignored, or sedang dijauhi? Like my new bf asik lah trying to find and give excuses to not do this and that with me anymore, like macam waktu memula dia went out with me… hmmm… something like that la kot.
  • She will make speculations – which is bad lah kan dalam any relationship. Buat speculations dalam kehidupan seharian kite is already bad, perlu ke nak buat speculations dalam percintaan and especially to the ones you love? Yes, betul, tidak perlu, tapi kalau dah si balak dinch mau cakap, membuatkan the awek terkinja2 thinking whats going on, nah ngkau – speku lah yang akan keluar dari otak the awek. As much as the awek tries to comfort herself, giving statements utk sedapkan hati sendiri, but still, common', she's only human… kan?
  • Selain dari terasa and membuat andaian dan spekulasis, si awek maybe, just maybe, kalau si awek nih jenis cam Ginger, yang senang "tak kuasa nak melayan" kerenah jantan, she'll probably do something like… "Owh well, let's see… who else is available dalam my contact list in my hp… hmmmm…" kan!? Like, yer, awek tu patutnye setia la kaedahnye. Tapi kalau dah terasa diabaikan sangat sangat dah, and she just cannot take it anymore, and couldn't be bothered much pun sebab si balak dinch mau bawak berbincang pasal hal "Going too fast" iniiehhh, I guess you can't blame the girl also, kan? I mean, not semua awek2 jenis penyabar, and sanggup layan kerenah biarpun diaibkan dan diabaikan, kan? Kang kalau dapat yang jenis cam… "Hello? Do I care? Kalau nak ignore aku, fine. I'll ignore you back…" NAH! Rasain! Walhal, si laki tu, bukannye completely ignoring her. Dia cuma nak slow things down, alih2, nah, ini jadik nye? Salah sape? Si laki la. Awat yang hang takmo bawak berbincang and let her know how you feel? Katanya bercinta nih, nak kena be honest dan banyak berbincang dan bersefahaman katanya, kan? Alih2 kalau the guy, i.e. A, nak keep it to himself, kononnye dinch mau lukakan hati the girl, and hopefully buat silent treatment ala ala partically ignoring the awek for a while, that might slow things down, don't go blaming anyone kalau the girl kuar ngan org lain.

Mek rase lah, kalau betullah, either the guy, or the girl, feels like diaorang moving too cepat dalam relationship diaorang itiew, my humble suggestion would be, TALK to each other. Be open. Let masing2 tahu how u ols feels inside. Bagi yang nak slow things down tu, I know, it's not like you don't love or like you partner tu. Cuma bagi u ols, u ols rase, ia terlalu cepat dan … ermm, yer la, terlalu cepat. Mek paham. Tapi, wouldn't it be great if you guys could talk it over? Tak der lah bende2 cam mek sebutkan kat atas tu akan berlaku. Sometimes, things like this, small things like this yang membuatkan couples yang ade good and great future ahead, break up. Sad sangat kalau tgk couple2 yang kite rasa, so secocok dan so sepadan itiew, had to break up. Lebih2 lagi kalau lah bende2 kecil cam nih yang berlaku. Speculations, ignoring, dinch mau berbincang and stuff, semuanya inih, aiyoh! Mek simpati ok. Kerana menatang kecik2 cam nih hampa nak clash, aiyoh – simpati ok.

Sebab tu point utama entry ini would be – TALK! Berbincang sesama couples anda dan dinch keep it to yourself. In life, kalau kite ade problems pon, keeping to yourself, MOST of the time, will make things worst. But bare in mind nah – not that am asking for you ols to go out to the world and start telling your problems, be it life problem or relationship like this problems; mek bukan suruh u ols jadik media penyampaian (mati lah fiebs!) utk bagi tau satu dunia pasal masalah u ols. Talk to the ones you trust, tapi, kalau when it comes to relationship-at-the-wrong-track problem nih, better la u ols talk sesama couples you ols. Seriously. Be all out dengan couple you ols. Katanya nak bercinta dan tiada ada dusta, kasih antara kita jangan berduka (motif lagu Anuar? Hiks!). As I was saying, katanya bercinta; nak be truthful, and honest to each other. Keeping aside from your couple masalah about how you feel the relationship is going a little bit too cepat for u to handle and swallow, itu bukan namanya being honest and truthful. Sometimes, like, maybe si A, dinch mau nyatakan why and whats going on kan dalam relationshipnya itiew with the girlfriend, and decided nak slow things down by doing the silensio treatment itiew, kan, I know dia tannak hurt the girlfriends feeling ke ape ke, sebab maybe A believes in "She'll understand" and "What she tak tau, won't possibly hurt her" katanya, kan? Tapi, how would you know, A? How sure are you dia takkan tau? Speculations may lead to something so real, and if she finds out the speculations semuanya betul, don't you think that it'll make her terasa dan lebih terluka? So much for "Owh I tannak lukakan hati awek I, sebab tu I diamkan perkara ini dan buat silent treatment dan ignore dia lite2 so that dia paham the relationship is moving too fast. I just buat semua nih sebab tannak lukakan hati dia yang sensitive itiew…" Nice thoughts, bad move! Hiks! Now, kalau the awek dapat tau, either from her own speculations, or… or… just maybe, she found out from A's friend (kata la si A consulted his best friend, instead of his own awek nih la kan), nah – that's it! It's lebih luka dan teruk parahnye, compared to kalau si A awal2 cakapkan hal ini secara terbuka dengan the awek. Don't you guys think so?

Bottom line here is (eh, dah nak habis ek?), be good to your couple; be honest to them; listen to what they have to say, and talk to them truthfully. In this hypothetical case (which can be true la kan), like, "Owh we're going too fast babehhh", talk honestly to your couple, and let them hear what you have to say about it and most of all, just don't ignore your couple. You don't know what you have until it's gone…  

DISCLAIMER: U ols... entry nih, sungguh taw. NAN ADO kaitan dengan sapo² pong tau. Mek tak der lah nak buat entry nih specific nak bantai sape² ok *mati la tingkat 6! Mek just buat nih sekadar... errrmm... sekadar nak buat lah! Hehehe. Seriously, kalau ade yang terasa, mek mintak makhap. Tak der niat LANGSUNG ok. Kalau ade yang rasanya entry nih macam, terkena kat diri sendiri, mek mintak makhap, ok u ols? Tapi betul tau... jgn terasa tau sebab mek tak der niat pong nak kasik u ols terasa. OK? :)






Posted at 11:29:31 pm by Nurlea Laurielle Lai Lee Abdullah

Apek
June 27, 2006   12:08 AM PDT
 
we human are not mind reader.... semua atas andaian...dan bukan smua andaian ni baik.. mostly negetif.so, ignoring the problem wont help. may be its good but most of the time its turn out the other way.

Yes apek agreed with LL.. talk to each other is the most easier way, but what if some one like apek ni bukan jenis yang pandai "talk", what will happen then? bila dah bersua muka jer dah tak tau nak cakap ape.. otak blank.. Jadi sometime tak leh salah kan A jugak..mungkin si A ni ada dia punya own tot or may be si A ni macam apek tak erti nak "talk". bila dah jadi camni.. ni laa masa si B muncul.bukan nak suruh si B mengapi-apikan lagi keadaan, tapi at least, at least bagi idea how it will end, bukan si B 100% betul, tapi it will help. trust me.. apek dah lalui semua tu...
5thE
June 27, 2006   01:04 AM PDT
 
mak akan ingat entry ni dankomen Apek utk pedoman mak di masa depan. TQ u ols.
uculer
June 27, 2006   02:56 AM PDT
 
wah! sedang mengalami perkara ini sekarang. dan solution? i rase die dah tak suke so why bother? not my fault kan? habis tu tanak berterus-terang, ingat i bole faham la? amboi..abes kite ni sape nak paham. ouh teremo pula

tumpang lalu naa



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