*
*
*
*
*
*
*
*

Thursday, June 30, 2005

From friends, to lovers; then back to friends? Love - anything goes...


"You taught me how to love; and I will forever be grateful to you. I will always remember you for your love, your kindness, your sensitivity - most of all, the way you made me feel special. For some definite reasons, there will always be a special place in my heart, for you... No matter what happens, always remember that I will always be here for you..."


Sad isn't it? Moved by it? Now I don't suppose it could get any worse than that, right? Surprise, surprise; believe me, it could get a whole lot worse than that if I were to let you guys know that ape yang I just said kat atas tadi tu, was actually, an ending to a beautiful love story which involved a young, straight guy, yang bercinta dengan one, poor, unfortunate, drag queen. Yeap, it's one of those stories about a straight guy, in love with a drag queen. What could be worse? Well, hear this. The guy had to break off the relationship dengan that drag queen pilihan hatinya itu sebab, well, erm, dia kena kahwin...

This actually happened to one of my close drag queen friends, Sofea (not her real name though), with a straight guy named Shazry (not his real name either yer... ); yeap, this is one real, true story, which I happened to know all about it sebab Sofea called me couple of days ago, crying her lungs out, mengadu to me, talking all sorts of stuffs and apparently, it was driving her mad! I managed to calm her down, get her to smoke her ciggies a bit - then, I mintak dia ceritakan everything; sort of like, let it all out dari her chest; biar tenang sikit hati dia.

Hearing Sofea's story, buatkan me felt like nak nangis myself. Kesian ade, marah ade - tah lah. I don't know. Maybe I paham how she felt, what she was goin' through; I can relate that to my life as well; banyak bende2 yang dia cerita I think I pernah lalui, so basically I do know how dia rasekan. And I suddenly thought of nak blogkan kisahnya (got her permission to do so, thanks girl!) dan now, I think, tanggungjawab I memang berat sebab am not here just to deliver citer tu dalam my blog; but I nak people understand, I want people to know, what is it like to be in Sofea's shoes...

I feel so touched and honored to be given this chance to blog this yet another sad, love story (as part of my entry in my blog of course) - a story which involved a lot of love, respect, trust, risk-taking acts and above all, heart breaking pain; that only those yang pernah lalui saje mampu to understand how these two human beings felt.

It all started couple of months ago, when Sofea met Shazry through a friend. Shazry was a straight, professional guy; and Sofea, well, lets just say Sofea was a bit different from any other trannies in town. Why different? Well, she's erm, well, she was different lah! That's why. So anyways, they started off as friends, went out for couple of times, exchanged numbers and what not; then they became really close friends. And the whole 'I love you' romancing thingie started off with 'jealousy'; Shazry was jealous seeing Sofea talking to other male friends, biarpun over the phone or smss, and vice versa, so was Sofea, getting all jealous with Shazry, talking to some of her girl friends. And from there, they noticed something - they felt jealous of each other sebab both of them were actually, in love with each other. And that's when they mula bercouple.

For Shazry, Sofea was his first love (doesn't matter 1st love dengan trannies ke dengan girls ke - yang penting, Sofea was his first ever love). But on the other hand, Shazry wasn't Sofea's first romance; he was the second guy in her life. (lets not talk about her first love ok? Bukan tema pon). So together, they started off a beautiful relationship which I believe, bermula berpunca dari sifat dan perasaan jealous masing2. I think kalau they tak jealous in the beginingm, diaorang takkan couple kot? Tapi, apa apa pon, I have to say this - I salute these two sebab walaupun baru bercouple, they were thinkin' a lot about what's coming in the near future. Shazry's straight, dan semakin meningkat matang usianya. And you know where this is go to kan? Yeah - He kena kahwin. But since dia tak der lagi pilihan dan hatinya masih belum terbuka, so Sofea was safe. So it's like, Sofealah teman sekasihnya, Sofealah everything for him. And Sofea, yang well aware akan the consequences bercinta dengan lelaki straight nih, went on with the relationship. For her, walaupun dia ade jugak terpikir pasal Shazry is bound to get married soon, but dia rase, takkan la so soon kot?

So they went on and on, from weeks to months diaorang bercouple. Dalam masa itu, Shazry learned a lot dari Sofea about how to love, how to respect and trust, how to treat someone he loves dengan cara yang betul - and vice versa. And semakin hari semakin lama, semakin mendalam the love they had for each other. Diaorang were like tak boleh dipisahkan, bagaikan aur dengan tebing. They joked a lot, they laughed a lot, merajuk a lot, gaduh jarang2 sekali namun ade la jugak, and most of all, they cared for each other so much, I think couple2 biase a girl and a guy pon tak dapat tandingi. Shazry really looked after Sofea, through thick and thin - everytime Sofea ade masalah, Shazry lah tempat dia mengadu. Shazry was a very kind hearted man (so I was told by Sofea la kan, which I believe he is one sebab I had the erm, chance to berjumpe dia once) and Sofea was very lucky to have him. Shazry pun I think felt happy having Sofea yang very manja, caring, dan kind also and always treated him special, which he I think never felt that way before kot.

Everything went on smoothly, until couple of days ago (just before Sofea called me), he broke the news. Sofea was devastated with the news. The mother (Shazry's) thinks that it is time to have a little talk with her anak teruna; and usually when mothers nak 'talk' dengan anak teruna diaorang, that can only mean one thing; kahwin. Yeah, yeah, don't jump into conclusions, that's what I told her. But she (Sofea) was like, dia dah talked it over with Shazry and they have come to a decision... they had to stop loving each other as couples...

The day will come, when Shazry eventually, memang kena kahwin, and by that time, Shazry perlu tumpukan sepenuh cinta dan kasih sayangnya pada hanya only one girl, and that girl is definitely NOT Sofea. Shazry said he's not the type nak main2kan cintanya, and he is very sure that dia tak mampu nak sharekan lovenya kepada dua orang. It crushed her world into thousand little small tiny pieces when they were talking about it. Shazry cried too as he never knew he would feel like this to someone, more particularly, a drag queen. Tapi, I did cakap to Sofea that why should she be all down and upset when she knew this would be happening, kan? Again, easy to be said by me la kan, tapi for her yang laluinya, Tuhan aje la tahu I rase. Memang, she took that risk, bercinta jugak dgn Shazry, but can we blame her? Cinta lahir dari hati dan merupakan satu perasaan yang tak dapat ditolak ketepi... she fell in love with Shazry...

Memang lah senang bile kite cakap "Mujur baru bercouple for a few months - kalau dah bertahun? Lagi parah..." But seriously, I think, it doesn't matter la kan cinta tu 5 tahun ke, 5 bulan ke, 5 minggu ke, 5 hari ke, 5 jam ke, 5 minit ker - janji these two human beings dah felt that LOVE between them, and it doesn't mean that kalau tempoh percintaan diaorang tu sekejap, the possibility of getting hurt tu pun kurang, as to compare kalau bercinta bertahun2 lamanye? Tak leh, we cannot say that. Cinta tu lahir tak kenal tempoh, and obviously Shazry and Sofea felt that love, biarpun hanya beberapa bulan cuma, namun it was strong. I believe it was strong - and from the way Sofea was really all out berceritakan hal tu, I know it was strong. Tapi as for the tuan2 punye badan, I don't know la how they are taking all this right now, kan?

When two people share many great things in life and in their relationship; same interests, same thoughts, ade kalanye one can read the other party's thoughts and feelings as well, it is hard to accept the fact that they both cannot be together anymore. "But they could still be friends, right?"

Once started as a lover, they say it's hard to end it by just being friends. Some ade jugak cakap, if two people started off as friends, and then they became lovers, and when things didn't go as what they've planned, they could easily return back to the path of being just friends. But I think whatever the begining was, what matters is the ending - kalau dah start bercinta dan sudah bermain madah asmara; nak end it by just being friends, bukannye nak kata tak boleh, boleh tu boleh, but I think both side kena take some time rasenye nak get back to the way they once were. Susah jugak, kalau bercinta, tiba2 nak end it dan get into the 'friends' mood tu, memang susah I think. Boleh, tapi susah - cam tu la lebih kurang. Kena kuatkan semangat, trust everything will be just fine dan most importantly, hati tu kena bersih dan ikhlas, endkan segala feeling2 dan just start things off balik as friends. I know its easy to say stuffs like this, but I do believe that this thing can happen if you put your heart to it.

Shazry and Sofea tak der apa apa masalah. They were great together (pada pandangan saye la ek..) Ape yang telah memisahkan diaorang, not death, but marriage. Tu saje. But the pain of going through perpisahan tu, Tuhan jer la tahu I rase. Nak blame si Sofea for falling in love with a straight guy, kite tak leh salahkan dia 100%. Nak blamekan si Shazry, 100%, walaupun pada mata kasar memang nampak cam dia yang salah sebab dah sah sah dia tahu dia straight and bound to get married soon, perlu ke nak mainkan perasaan si Sofea? PON kite tak boleh buat cam tu kat Shazry. Sebab they both had that chemistry between them dan they had that LOVE between them... tak kisah la Shazry tu kena kahwin ke Sofea kena tukar jadi laki balik ke ape ke - main agenda here, couple of months back, waktu Sofea was introduced to Shazry - they mulakan dengan kawan dan soon then were in love. Pointnye, bukannye diaorang plan pun to fall in love - it happened and yes nampaknye they have to end the relationship... kan? Tah lah. I feel sad, sorry for Sofea and Shazry but I guess life must go on...

To Shazry: "Jangan sekali2 lupakan this pengalaman bercinta dengan Sofea, biarpun Shazry dah kahwin ke, dah beranak pinak ke lepas2 nih, dan hanya sekadar kawan je dengan Sofea, keep this pengalaman percintaan nih kekal abadi dalam satu sudut dalam hati u. Its not easy to find a man like you, lucky Sofea pernah berpeluang utk bercinta dengan u." (I sure do hope Shazry gets my sms to check this blog once I dah publish this entry - kalau tidak, Sofea, I hope you go tell him to come read this entry ya! Hiks!)

To Sofea: "Girl, I know you're reading this - first and foremost, thank you sebab benarkan mek blogkan citer kisah pahit duka u ols nih dalam my blog. And about this case, girl, life has got to go la dear. You'll be ok, I promise you. You're smart, beautiful, different - youi'll be fine, I know you will. Keep your chin up, and keep on walking hon. You have a whole lot of other things in life to think about. And for you, also, jgn sekali2 lupakan pengalaman u ols bercinta dengan Shazry, ingat tu. Dan kuatkan semangat, jangan mudah gentar dengan noda jiwa dan raga. Be positive, be strong; it's not like you akan putuskan langsung talian dengan Shazry? You still get to be his close friend, kan? He siap cakap, best friends lagi? Give it a shot girl. Biar tiada cinta bagaikan kekasih, namun, dia tetap mampu u ols cintai as kawan rapat... :)"

And lastly, to both of you, I tak tahu lah how you two would end this, but I do hope you guys tetap berkawan seperti dulu; I really wish to see you two happy even as friends... :) At least, the way I see it, your friendship nih lain dari lain2 friendship yang ade maybe. Why? You two were couples before this, banyak bende2 yang you two tahu of each other, that most other ppl tak tahu when diaorang kawan baik dengan u ols berdua. Think about it...

And to the rest, my fellow friends, blog readers and viewers, I hope story nih ade la kot sedikit sebanyak pengajaran buat kita semua, about love yang tak kenal erti lelaki straight hanya dengan girls, or trannies tak boleh nak bercouple dengan straight men - Love tak kenal jenis, as cinta itu lahir dari hati dan tak mampu disengaja-adakan. Dan when we talk about love, sudah semestinya kita perlu kaitkan dengan risiko. Risks, I believe, mana2 pon ade, tak kire ape jenis risks, risks bercinta? Risks of having sex? Risks of being good friends, risk itu risk ini - yang penting, berani tanggung is the key of everything, and always remember that, tak semestinya bende yang kite nampak susah nak buat, kita tak mampu buat. Put your heart to it, believe in yourself, I'm sure kite boleh do anything we want. And another thing - always remember, FRIENDSHIP IS THE BEST RELATIONSHIP, EVER!...Dan this song adalah utk kalian berdua...

"There You'll Be..."

When I think back on these times
And the dreams we left behind
I'll be glad 'cause I was blessed
To get to have you in my life
When I look back on these days
I'll look and see your face
You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place for you
For all my life I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there you'll be

Well you showed me how to feel
Feel the sky was in my reach
And I always will remember all the strength you gave to me
Your love made me make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place for you
For all my life
I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there youll be

'Cause I always saw in you my light, my strength
And I want to thank you now
For all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

In my dreams I'll always see you soar above the sky
In my heart there will always be a place for you
For all my life I'll keep a part of you with me
And everywhere I am, there youll be





Nurlea Laurielle Lai Lee Abdullah
Like my page? Vote for me HERE!!! Thanks u ols!!!





Posted at 2:51:04 am by Nurlea Laurielle Lai Lee Abdullah

Guest
June 30, 2005   09:59 AM PDT
 
Hi Lady.... Memang setiap hari mak akan baca u all nya entry... Hari ni ada citer pasal sofea and shazry and its touch my heart.. FYI mak pun baru clash ngan my lover baru2 nih. Kita org nya kisah lebih kurang cam derang, and my lover clash ngan mak pon pasal dah ada girlfren dan dia tak ley nak share dia nya love. One dia dia akan kawen ngan girlfren nya itewww(apa yg dia cakap la). Skang kitaorg still best fren. Walaupun pun pedih tp mak sanggup tarik diri utk lihat dia bahagia kawen ngna pompuan sempurna.
Karl LeggerFiebie
June 30, 2005   10:40 AM PDT
 
emm, bercinta dengan laki orang. that is what i do now. malas nak cari lain. the first man i have ever love was my senior in the university. sebelum semua relationship adika-adik melayan senior di sekolah. then i met him, 3 years my senior, i was on my first year, he was on his last. a str8 man. as time goes by, dah 6 years i am with him, living together, practially sharing everything, life and death. then he told me he is going to get married. The parents asked him so. The 6 years was just bullshit. Then, i fell in love with his friend, 2 years, this man then told me, he is going back to his hometown in terengganu, and a few months later, he was married.

then i met my now hubby, been living for a year, then he left me, because he had to go to kuwait, then to korea, then one day from korea he call me, saying on one of the day, he came back to Malaysia, he'd enggaged with his friend from the malaysia office.

but this time, i am not giving up. it is to tiring. i am not letting go. and i make him promise not to leave me.

they are all the same. same excuses, parents, want to have babies, looking for a partner who can later give them child to look after them when they are old. so on so fourth. tak kisah lah,

if only, they can create womb so then BAPUK like me can also beranak. emmmm.... at the end, the woman (read: mother) always win.
elly
July 1, 2005   01:55 AM PDT
 
sedey nye cerita nih... but i agree cik lea, FRIENDSHIP IS the best relationship a person could ever have. but it's a bit difficult kan being friends with your ex... especially someone who really left a mark? ntahla... but i hope to god shazry and sofea would get thru this... my doas are with them...



Leave a Comment:

Name


Homepage (optional)


Comments




Previous Entry Home Next Entry